Page 13 - self portrait

and then I snapped

I’m used to being misgendered or singled out by binary norms. It happens all the time.
It’s fine, it’s no big deal.

Someone accidentally refers to me with “she” at a meeting. Someone promptly corrects

her. The moment passes quickly. But then she approaches me after, apologizing
profusely, telling me she feels really bad. I feel my face turning red and I get flustered. I
feel backed it into a corner. I tell her it’s fine, it’s no big deal.

I am playing a drinking game. It uses a deck of cards and someone is explaining the

rules associated with each number. “Five is guys and six is chicks.” It takes a second,
until someone else looks at me and adds “If you’re nonbinary, you can do whatever you
want.” I know he is trying to make me feel included, but I just feel like I want to

disappear. I get through that moment of awkwardness by thinking to myself it’s fine,
it’s no big deal.

I am hanging out with my friends. Someone starts a sentence with “she.” And suddenly

it’s not fine, it is a big deal.

“They.”

I am surprised by the coldness of my own voice. It is harsh and unforgiving. The room

falls silent. I immediately feel bad.

I realize that I am not asking too much of people when I want them to get my pronouns
right or use more inclusive language. I am asking for basic respect.

But still, this guy did not deserve the entirety of my anger, pent up over hundreds of

“it’s fine, it’s no big deal” moments, unleashed on him through the severity of my tone
for his one mistake.

I hope other people start seeing the need to get it right as a big deal so I don’t have to
keep telling myself it’s not.

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