Page 15 - self portrait

He was trying to be affirming. He was so well-intentioned. And I could understand his line

of thinking: that how I present now is my true self, freed from the standards of femininity
that were previously thrust upon me. But that’s just not how it is. The person in the

picture is me. And not some past version of me that is dead and gone, but they are me as I
am now. S O M E W A V E S I N
T
H
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LAGUNA
Looking back on growing up as a girl, I recognize that there are parts of it I resented.
There were times I stifled myself in order to meet those standards of femininity. But that
prom night was not one of them. I still love that pink gown and flower crown.

BEACH
Overall, I like how I present now. But I am still constrained by standards of femininity, in
the opposite way. Instead of trying to adhere to them, I have to carefully curate an image

to distance myself from them, to appear satisfactorily “nonbinary” to the outside world.

There are parts of myself that I still can’t embrace, parts that would make others say,

B “that’s not you.” h t

c
e
W
g
i
r
y
J

y
o
P h o t o g r a p h s b y M a r k H a l b e r g
Maybe someday I won’t care so much about how the outside world perceives me. Maybe
someday I’ll feel confident enough to put that dress back on and know that I am me.
S E N L F P O R T R A I T | 1 4
I N T H E S P O T L I G H T O M A D I C | 2 4