Page 11 - self portrait

pride

I spent the summer of 2019 in Washington DC for an internship. I was on the fence
about whether I would tell my coworkers about my identity, and I still hadn't made a

decision by the time I walked through the door on the first day. My decision was made
for me though. I was given a nametag with my birth name instead of my preferred

name, and I was too flustered and embarrassed to correct it. I went the whole summer
being called by my birth name.

Regardless, I was excited about the organization I was working for, I was excited to get
to know the city, and perhaps most of all, I was excited that I was going to be there for

Pride month. I had never been to a Pride event before, let alone one with hundreds of
thousands of people in attendance.

Pride was only one week after I moved in, but I navigated the complex metro system
and unfamiliar streets by myself to get there. Once I arrived, I met up with some people

from my internship. I was glad to not be alone, but it also made me feel out of place.
Here I was, surrounded by people openly expressing their identities without fear,

enabled by decades of activists fighting for their right, and for my right, to exist in the
world. Yet here I was, hiding because I couldn't muster the courage to tell someone

they used the wrong name.

That sense of internal conflict ended up feeling inconsequential in comparison to the

sheer joy of the rest of the day. I don't really remember the day in a lot of detail, and I
can't even articulate what about it made me feel so great. Even my anxiety about

crowds or my phone battery dying in the middle of a new city couldn't put a damper on
my mood. I was purely and entirely happy.

I started to process all of my emotions on the metro ride home. I realized I had never

seen that level of acceptance and support before. And even though I wasn't able to
express myself the way I would have liked, that absolute outpouring of acceptance and
support was still for me. It made me feel confident that when I do decide I can live my

life more openly someday, all of those people will still be there, cheering me on.

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