Page 176 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

I am completely dumbfounded, turning twenty shades of
red. Trembling and embarrassed. How could he do this in front
of our friends?
The silence is awkward and humiliating until finally, he lets
me down into the water. I feel so much anger towards him.
Even hatred. I literally want to die.
And yet, what do I do? NOTHING! Absolutely nothing.
I pass this off as normal, everyday pool fun. I pretend that
Hudson is just a regular husband getting boisterous with his
wife. Yes, that’s me. Always acting so that other people are
spared the unthinkable truth. I suck it all into my soul, knowing
well I will be tortured by it later.
It seems that the longer Hudson and I are together, the
more violent he becomes. And the more obsessed with this
‘starlet’ he is creating. He eats, sleeps and breathes the music
business. He is always working on my career, which also
happens to be his career. The business has literally consumed
both of us. In fact, we’re really more married to country music
than we are to each other.
Sometimes I hate it. All of it! I know it’s cliché, but I feel
like a piece of meat. The merchandise. The product. Hudson is
always selling ME. It’s agonizing when he gets up on his soap
box promoting me to our peers, business associates and even
our own friends. And he does it right in front of me like I’m
some object.
I also have come to realize that my husband completely
turns people off with his know-it-all attitude. I carry around
a heavy load of mortification as a result of his arrogance. He’s
become the kind of guy people go out of their way to avoid.
Consequently, he burns more bridges than he creates. He
seems to derive pleasure from demeaning people, including me.
Yes, his wife and his bread and butter! There are times when I

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