Page 177 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Thirty

honestly feel like he treats our two dogs with more decency
and respect.
Hudson finds pleasure in seeing me cry. There is a sick
part of him that loves pushing all my buttons. Many times,
right before I go on stage, he will say something hurtful and
demeaning. His goal is to make me feel inadequate. To feel
like a failure. Like I will never live up to his expectations. He
loves calling me stupid. And then I have to go out on stage and
perform, pretending everything is wonderful. One minute he’s
holding me up on a pedestal, primarily as his prized possession,
the next he’s taking a strip off me. Thank God I’m a good
actress when I hit that stage.
These mixed signals are really playing a number on my
head. In one breath he’s screaming at me for not wearing a bra
and in the next he’s directing a publicity photo shoot where he
wants me to do just that. It’s crazy making.
Every time I muster up the courage to stand up for myself,
I get shot back down. My stepdad was also a tyrant, and I was
never given the chance to speak my opinions. No arguing or
even healthy debate. There was only one way. HIS! Now here I
am with Hudson and it’s all too familiar.
This is not the way it’s supposed to be.
The other thing is … Hudson loves women. All women
really, but especially beautiful and busty. It never seems to
matter that I’m around. Weird, because even though I am the
woman in the spotlight, I become the shrinking violet when
he sets his sights on someone new. In the early part of our
relationship, I competed with pornography (and for all I know
this competition may be ongoing). But his obsession has now
moved on to women in the flesh.
My family, what remains of it, isn’t much help. They’re all
2,200 miles away. There isn’t any real relationship with my

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