Page 187 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Thirty-Two

is interrupted by an unexpected phone call from the Major,
setting my nerves to jingling like proper silver bells. Didn’t he
understand it was just a fling? Doesn’t he understand I have a
husband?
And I do. Still. In spite of my best intentions, I find myself
caving to Hudson’s paralyzing will yet again. I fall back into my
dismal home life like I never left.
I hate that I’m not brave enough to do to what I know I
need to do. Why can’t I just tell him this marriage is over? Why
can’t I find the courage? What is wrong with me and why am
I so damned scared?
I now feel like a rat in a cage, very much missing the
exhilarating tour and the liberty it afforded me. I am back on
this corroded wheel, just going around and around endlessly. Is
this what my life has come to? Is it my destiny to be imprisoned
forever, with Hudson the warden from whom I cannot escape?
What is wrong with me? Why is it impossible for me to follow
through and do what I know needs to be done?
Depressed, I withdraw.
I am such a failure.

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