Page 229 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Nashville or Bust

I find myself caught between waves of grief and deep sadness.
At times I’m even fighting back the tears. Why on earth am I
feeling so emotional? I’m the one who wanted out. I’m the one
who’s been trying to leave for at least two years. I just want to
move on. So why am I feeling tortured like this?
I now realize my bond with Hudson is much stronger than
I care to admit. There’s a profound attachment I’ve never had
with anyone else. Not like this. We grew up together!
Before him no one understood my overwhelming sadness.
My deep, deep heartache. Hudson listened to every word,
felt every emotion and comforted me when I finally began to
unearth my gut-wrenching pain. He let me bawl my eyes out
until there were no more tears. I can still picture us, lying on
that single mattress, my whole body sobbing violently while
Hudson just held me. Oh God, there was so much death.
Mom, Dad, Jimmy. I never truly dealt with any of the losses.
Not really. Not until Hudson.
During those years I just survived the best I could. Another
starring role in the school musical, another mad boy crush,
another weekend booze-fest. Another talk with Jesus. All
I wanted was to be normal. When people you love just keep
dying you can’t make any sense of it. You just can’t. And if all
that death and grief wasn’t enough, I was forced to navigate life
in my stepfather’s house of fear.
Of course, focusing on all the positive things Hudson and I
had only makes leaving him more confusing. Like being in the

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