Page 230 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

kitchen together and cooking a meal for friends. We loved that!
Receiving beautiful handmade birthday cards. Being picked up
after a tour and coming home to a sparkling house with clean
sheets on the bed and dinner in the oven? Magical.
Then there’s the artist thing. No one had ever believed in
me more than Hudson. Nobody. Whether it was for the right
reasons or not, right from the first time he heard me sing, he
never stopped promoting me. Never stopped wanting to make
me a star.
I know I’ve done some pretty shitty things. I’m not proud of
them. I’ve hurt Hudson. We’ve hurt each other. I truly wanted
a healthy kind of love and acceptance. Our love, if you can even
call it that, always seemed to be based on my performance. At
least that’s how I felt. I was desperate to be cherished for just
being me.
Towards the end I thought therapy might help, but Hudson
wasn’t willing. I think he was just too scared. I recognize now
that, of all the hard things I have done in my life, leaving my
marriage has been the hardest. I’m still terrified.
My new reality is no more certain. I don’t know what I’m
feeling with Gord. Is this true love? Is it lust? I know that our
physical connection plays a big part. But he is also accepting
of me. Easy to be around. He’s not crazy-intense like Hudson.
He lets me breathe. Gives me space. His expectations seem
pretty normal. But it’s too early to tell. Besides, what the heck
is normal?
Now that Hudson has been in Nashville for a few months
we begin to discuss (by phone) the possibilities of me doing a
showcase there. After being this close to the Capitol deal (in
addition to all the many years invested in my career) we both
decide it would be foolish not to continue our pursuit.
Within days, the wheels are in motion to do a

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