Page 284 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

I awake on a beautiful, sunlit morning and make a choice.
There is a strength rising up in me. I have decided. I will
not fail at making this marriage or this family work. I will
keep trusting and believing in something I cannot see. My
unequivocal faith in God is reviving me. This unseen power in
my life is catapulting me forward. I will pick myself up off the
ground. This sparrow will fly once more.
As time passes, I find myself feeling guilty about accusing
Gord and our friend of having an affair. I call her. “Lenora, I’m
really sorry but I have to apologize to you.”
“You do? Whatever for?” she asks innocently.
“Well, when you came back from Bosnia, I accused Gord
of having an affair with you.” There is silence at the other end.
I wait for a response, but there isn’t one, so I continue. “And
so I need to say, I’m truly sorry for having ever thought such a
thing.”
“Well ... thank you.” That’s it? I wait for her to say more but
there is an awkward silence. The call is very short, unusually
short for the two of us.
“Okay, well I’m sure I’ll see you soon. Talk to you later.”
“Sounds good, talk to you soon. Bye.”
I am dumbfounded. But filled with resolve. I will trust and
I will believe!
Life goes on. I am a loyal friend, so Lenora and I soon slip
back into our old relationship. We continue to confide in each
other more and more. In fact, there is nothing I don’t tell her.
I am desperately in need of a counselor who can help me
navigate through the emotional carnage. I start seeing a woman
in Toronto every week. She is a Christian, and all for keeping
this marriage intact. Gord isn’t abusing me so why would I ever
leave? Plus, we have a child and that puts an entire different
perspective on things.

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