Page 285 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Forty-Five

Lenora’s marital situation isn’t getting any better either and
she too is looking for a counselor, so I give her the name of
mine. Now we are both making regular visits into the big city.
I have managed to move past the doubts and accusations. It’s
just what I do. I have always been an accommodating person.
Months go by and there is no sexual contact between Gord
and me. After his heartbreaking confession it would be foolish
to expect anything physical. I am seeing his words in action,
which means there is none. I am distraught and brokenhearted,
unsure whether Gord will leave or stay. For my own protection
I go into full denial mode. For me to even function I have to
play games in my own head - Gord and I are okay, at least for
the time being. Sometimes when you’re in the middle of a war,
staying crouched in the trenches in one place, even in all the
muck, is still safer than standing up and exposing yourself.
Gord is clearly staying in a situation he would prefer to
vacate. He remains cold and unfeeling towards me but is he a
good father and provider. I am certain, like me, he does not want
to be a single parent. At least we have something in common.
I continue to get on my knees every single day. I will not
give up hope. I will not be defeated. I have BIG FAITH.

My Faith

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