Page 289 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Forty-Six

and we’re back to being roommates. He goes out of his way to
avoid any kind of serious conversation. For days on end, I have
no idea how he is feeling and if I’m honest, I don’t want to
know. I’m too scared. We exist as mother and father to Keldon
but there is barely a hint of “married couple.” Like a cloud, the
thick black veil of sadness hangs over us. I can feel myself being
sucked back into that vortex where I’ve dwelled for nearly two
very long and drawn-out years.
This morning, I am up early, even before Keldon. I hear
Gord rustling in the kitchen. I quickly close my journal (where
I have been pouring out my heart to God). Keldon will need
his breakfast.
As I fill his bowl with Cheerios, I muster up the courage to
speak. “Gord, we need to talk.”
He grabs his protein shake. “I have to go out today,” he
brushes me off. “I’ll be gone for most of the day.”
We’re at the point now where I don’t even ask where he’s
going or when he’ll be home. I hear the car start up and then
watch him pull out of the driveway. I take my familiar position
on the couch, still in my pajamas. No point in getting dressed
today. Keldon plays with his cars on the living room rug while I
stare out our large picture window, trying not to cry. Something
needs to change here. I am at the breaking point. Should I
admit defeat? Is it time to do something drastic?
The day passes with me in a complete fog but, after Keldon’s
bedtime story and prayers, I smother him with hugs and kisses.
I tuck him in and make sure his nightlight is on. That’s what he
likes. I then fold a load of laundry, lock up early and get ready
for bed. Before climbing in I slip across the hall and sneak in
one last peek at my sweet sleeping boy. He truly is the best
thing that has ever happened to me. So full of life and his heart
is sensitive and pure. I know with all my heart that we should

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