Page 326 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

Today will be quite different. The music leader has asked
me to share one of my original songs. I do and surprisingly it is
well received, so much so that the prison Chaplain asks if I will
come back on my own to share my testimony.
Alone. No full band to back me up or church group to hide
within. It will just be me, my music and my story.
I am apprehensive yet also feel a strong calling. A divine
pull to get out of my comfort zone and do what I can to help.
Even though I’ve been starting to tell snippets of my story in
different churches, I know this will be completely different. An
entire hour on my own? Is my story that worthwhile? Can I be
compelling while not being funny? This is a brand-new level of
performance and I’m not sure if I’m ready. God, please help me.
I have exactly one week to prepare and soon my big yellow
notepad and pen are my constant companions. As I work at
writing down my story, I pray constantly - God, if this is what
you want me to do, then please help me to find the courage to be
transparent and real.
Transparent and real. Two words not exactly synonymous
with the kind of entertaining I am used to.
For most of my life I have hidden all the trauma inside.
It’s what you do to survive. Of course, it does eventually seep
out of you in many different ways. You make poor choices. You
lose your boundaries. You’re sick all the time. And then there’s
the self-medication with drugs, booze, sex and even attention-
seeking. No one gives you a handbook on how to deal with
family trauma or incest or suicide, or crippling shame or death
and dysfunction. Somehow, by the grace of God, I have been
able to navigate by pure gut instinct. The truth is I didn’t know
any different. This was my ‘normal.’
But it wasn’t normal. Not even a little. Now that I’m being
asked to share my truth, I realize how utterly abnormal my

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