Page 322 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Reason To Sing

kinship and all their work together on stage and in the studio.
The tours, the camaraderie, the laughter. Everything between
them - GONE!
I am trying my best to put myself in his shoes, I truly am.
I know that sounds weird, but it’s what I’ve always done. If I
can put the focus back to the other person’s pain, I can sacrifice
my own. For the sake of their comfort. Maybe after everything
that has happened in my life, I don’t feel like I am worthy of
pain. I do not deserve to hurt. To feel betrayed. I must fix all
the problems, even at the expense of my own well-being. I
want very much to do this for Gord. To fix him. Even after
everything he has done to hurt me.
But we are both hurting. Enormously. And this is the kind
of anguish that can annihilate a relationship very quickly. No
one can physically endure interminable amounts of harrowing
turmoil. Gord and I are suffering both mentally and physically
and I just don’t know how much longer we can do this.
It’s time for a serious conversation. No therapist, just the
two of us facing reality.
Gord is in the kitchen finishing up a protein shake. I sit in
the rocking chair in the living room and wait. I am surprisingly
unafraid. My resolve is firm. What will be will be.
He walks in, slurping on a straw.
“Can we talk, Gord?”
“Sure,” he responds as he sits on the loveseat. “What is it?”
I just lay it out. “What are we doing? I mean, in all honesty,
what are we doing? Shall we just call it quits and work on
getting a divorce?”
He sets his glass on the coffee table. “Whoa. Hold on here!”
He is obviously surprised. “What are you talking about?”
My voice is firm. Solid. I am no longer a tiny, frightened
little wife. I feel my burgeoning strength in my bloodstream.

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