Page 323 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Chapter Forty-Nine

“I’m just not feeling like you’re in this for the long run. There’s
just something not right. I’m stronger now. I’ll be able to do
this. Keldon and I will be fine.”
There is a very long and uncomfortable pause while we
just stare at one another. After what seems like an hour, Gord
stands up and comes over to sit at my feet. I am taken aback.
His voice is shaky and filled with remorse. “I’m sorry, Kelita,
but I’ve been keeping something from you.” My heart sinks.
Here it comes. What now? “I know I said I wasn’t smoking
anymore but it’s not true. I’ve still been using pot. But I promise
I am really done now. That’s it. No more after today. I know it’s
been holding me back.”
Wow. I really had thought he had quit. For Gord, pot has
always just been another means of escape. But what really kills
me is what a good liar he has become. Almost as good as I used
to be.
He continues. “And I’m sorry, Kelita, for not caring more
about us. About this marriage.” He takes both of my hands in
his. “I am just so, so sorry. Sorry for all the pain, for all the lies,
for all the crap I’ve put you through. I’m sorry for not being the
husband you deserve.” He begins to tear up. “I can’t lose you
now. Not now. You and Keldon are the most important things
to me. I love you. And I love this family.” He wipes his tears
with the back of his hand. “I love you so much. Will you ever
forgive me?”
He begins to really cry.
“Gord, I’ve already forgiven you. You know that.” He places
his head on my lap, muffling his sobs. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” I tell
him as his cries grow stronger.
And then he completely loses it. This is the first time I have
ever seen Gord display any kind of deep remorse. Somehow
this emotional breakdown cracks something wide open in him.

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