Page 345 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland

Epilogue

and I know he played a huge part in that. With emotional
abuse, the nervous system becomes conditioned to exist in a
state of fear. Confrontation can still paralyze me. I can literally
feel physically ill. Loud argumentative voices are upsetting.
The fight or flight response is always lurking underneath the
surface of my everyday life and even the smallest of things can
set it off.
I will never forget Mike’s son saying to me at his funeral,
“He was the meanest man I ever loved.” Wow. Sounds like a
song title right there. I suppose I could say the same. Although
old age did soften him a tiny bit, even his own daughter chose
not to attend his funeral. I chose to go, and I also chose to speak.
By the time Mike passed at age 80, I had long forgiven him. I
knew that deep down he was just a hurting soul; someone who
didn’t like himself. I travelled a long way to be at his funeral
and pay my respects. I guess I loved him but I did not like him.
And that, I have learned, is perfectly okay.

Hudson: Scared, wounded, naïve, needy. That was me when
I met Hudson. I only knew one thing for certain - I wanted
to be a star! At 18 I had escaped Mike’s clutches and moved
over two thousand miles away. You might think I would have
chosen someone who was not a mini-Mike. But no … I chose
Hudson. Because he wanted to make me a star and I believed
he could do it! And he was also my first love.
People who knew us back then probably wouldn’t think
of their friend Hudson as an “abuser.” He was charming,
hardworking and attentive. Did he ever strike me? No. Did he
cause me emotional and mental harm? Oh yes.
He was controlling and manipulative. There was gaslighting,
without question. And the verbal abuse was soul-crushing.
Hudson annihilated me with deadly words at every turn.

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