Page 346 - Reason To Sing by Kelita Haverland
P. 346

Reason To Sing


          When I finally ran from him after nearly ten years of marriage,
          my spirit had been broken too many times to count.
              I came from an abusive household, and you might think
          I would have known better, but we just didn’t call it out back
          then. Even if I thought I deserved better, fear held me hostage
          and Hudson totally played into my insecurities.
              Finding the courage to leave him was one of the most
          difficult things I’ve ever had to do. Despite his horrific treatment
          of me, I never wanted to hurt him. My people-pleasing gene
          kicked in even when I was in grave danger myself. It took a
          long time for me to realize that it was okay to save ME.
              They say  it takes the  average abused  woman seven tries
          to finally leave her mate for good. For me it was three. I am
          grateful for that.
              Many  years  after  our  divorce,  I  heard  from Hudson’s
          new wife. She wanted to talk with me about his ten years of
          infidelities  (three of  those  with  her  personal  assistant) and
          discuss whether I thought he could ever be faithful. I agreed
          to text and answer some of her questions. She told me she
          would be discreet about our communication. I’m not sure
          what her definition of discreet is but …  she told Hudson.
          I then received a text from him explaining that he was now
          in Romance Addiction therapy. I guess he had some kind of
          epiphany.
              Hudson was my first real love. We were two young, messed-
          up people who had some talent and big dreams. But how could
          it ever last when he already had me leaving him before we were
          even married?  I think I just outgrew the qualities that had
          initially attracted me to him – confidence and control. And
          once his insecurities took centre stage, his bag of tricks was
          suddenly empty. I started spreading my wings and all he could
          do was try to clip them.


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