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Chapter 6 ~ Warnings

Keep your expectations about the relationship realistic. Marriage should not be on your
mind if you've been dating for a week, for example. Nor should you think that the
relationship will solve all of your problems, or that you will never be lonely again, etc.

Relationships can be wonderful things, but be realistic about their purpose in your
life. Just as one can feel lonely in a crowd, one can also feel lonely when in a
relationship. This doesn't mean the relationship is bad, but it could suggest your
expectations or understanding of the role you play and others play in meeting the needs
in your life that need adjusting. It may also indicate the need for transparent
communication. It is especially important to be sure of your understanding of what
needs you are responsible for in your own life and what is a healthy expectation of
others when you feel like someone is letting you down.

Never, under any circumstances, stay with a person who has physically abused
you. Do not make up excuses for a physically abusive relationship, such as the common
excuse that it is your own fault. It is not. Stay away. If you are in a physically abusive
relationship, seek help and get out of it. Even if the abuse only happened once, it will
most likely occur again.

But it is also worth it to keep in mind that people can change. If they are trying to
improve and seeking help, encourage them through it, and show them love for their
commitment in trying to make the relationship better. Couples who take this journey
together instead of breaking up go on to have stronger relationships and happier lives
together.

Do not assume that anyone’s relationship will be perfect. It is human to experience
disagreements and emotional pain with the people you love. Working past these issues may
be an ongoing struggle, but as a couple, family, or friends, you will thrive once you get
past it.

Do not call it quits when you argue – which you inevitably will. When in a state of
anger, we cannot rationalize and often find ourselves losing control by saying things we
don't mean. Hang in there and try to work it out before finalizing a break-up that you will
regret afterward. That said, if you find you are arguing more and more, examine the
possible reasons and talk it over together.

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