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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander # רדנלדירפ םייח ברה 5
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 5 - Lesson 3 א רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶמ ֲח ר ִר ִׁ

for this Avreich to select a sefer of Mussar or Hashkafah which is
suitable to learn together with his wife from time to time – and for
him to prepare in advance for this learning session with his wife. It
is important to establish a set, specific time to learn with his wife י ִשׁי ִמ ֲח ק ֶר ֶפּ
the laws of family purity from one of the abridged sefarim, and to
begin that learning session immediately during the Seven Days of
Wedding Celebration as then at that time the laws of family purity .א רמאמ
are especially relevant. Fulfilling these laws in all of their detail is
based on mutual trust and each other’s knowledge, therefore it is
appropriate for them to review these laws together. ךְ ָבּ ל ָשׁ ְמ ִי אוּה ְו

The husband must also prepare himself in advance so that at the
Shabbat table and on other occasions he will be able to say words of
Torah that are appropriate to the family. The Gaon Rabbi Shlomo ב ָצּ ַמּ ַה וּה ִז - ]ב"כ ,'א ר ֵתּ ְס ִא[ "ּתי ֵב ְבּ ר ֵרֹוֹש ֶי ֶא ל ָכּ תוֹיְהִל"
Wolbe, Shlitah, writes in his Kuntres entitled “An essay guiding תֶי ַבּ ַה י ֵנְי ְנ ֶע ִֶ ה ָצּר ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה .ּבּ ה ָצּר ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ם ַגּ ִֶ ,פי ֶר ָתּ ַה
Chatanim” quoting the Gaon Tzadik Rabbi Daniel from Kelm ZT”L
commenting on the Orchot Chayim authored by the Rosh (section לי ֵע ְל וּנ ְר ַבּ ֶדּ ר ָב ְכּ י ֵר ֲה .תֶי ַבּ ַה ל ַע ַבּ ל ִֶ וי ֶׁ ל ַע וּל ֲה ַנ ְתֶי
#44) “Establish fixed scheduled times to learn Torah before eating ּדּ ְג ִנ ְכּ ר ִז ֵע תּי ְה ֶל ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִֶ הּ ָת ָפי ֶא ְֶוּ הּ ָע ְב ֶטּ ֶמּ ִֶ ,ךְ ָכּ ל ַע
and before reclining, and speak those words at your table. And be
careful with the people in your family to guide them in the ways ם ַגּ ,תּרוּר ְבּ תּבוֶּ ְתּ ת ֵת ָל ךְי ֶר ָצ ל ַע ַבּ ַה .הּ ָל ְע ַבּ פּצ ְר תּשׂ ֲע ַל ְו
of Torah in all things that require cautioning, to guard the words ,תֶי ַבּ ַה ת ִא ר ֵדּ ַס ְל ךְי ֵא :םיֶיּ ֶר ְמ ָח םי ֶנָי ְנ ֶע ְבּ וי ָל ֵא ה ָנּׁ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ִֶ ְכּ
that come out of their mouths not to become debased, because the םי ֶנְי ְנ ַע ְמ ם ָני ֵא י ַלוּא ה ִלּ ֵא םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ִֶ י ֶׁ ל ַע ף ַא( ל ֵשּׁ ַב ְל ה ָמ
opening question of a soul’s trial is (Gemara Shabbat 31a) ‘Did you
set aside fixed scheduled times to learn Torah’?” These words of א ֵפּר ה ִזי ֵא ְלוּ םי ֶלּח ת ַׁ ֻר ְל םי ֶד ָלְי ַה ם ֶע ת ִכ ִל ָל ם ֶא ַה ,)ּתּא
the Rosh need to be explained, as he begins his statement with the דָי הּ ָל פ ֵתּנּ ִֶ ְכּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל ה ָבּט הֹ ִשּע ִֶ ל ַע ַבּ ַה בֶֹ ֲחַי ל ַא ְו .'וּכ ְו
obligation to learn Torah and concludes with this same obligation
to learn Torah, and in the middle part of his statement he seems to ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה י ֵר ֲה ,הּ ָנּצ ְרוּ הּ ָת ָנ ָב ֲה י ֶפ ְכּ ה ִשׂ ֲע ַתּ ִֶ הּ ָל ר ֵמּא ְו ,תי ֶֶ ְפ ָח
be addressing an entirely different topic, to caution and to guide his .תֶי ַבּ ַה ל ַע ַב ְכּ ּתּא ְר ֶל ה ָצּר
family in the ways of Torah. The explanation is as follows - When
a person fixes a specific time to learn Torah while sitting at his table,
the people in his family are present and so he should learn things פ ֵוּ ַכ ְמּ ַה תּי ְה ֶל ךְי ֶר ָצ אוּה םיֶיּ ֶנ ָחוּר םי ֶנָי ְנ ֶע ְבּ פ ֵכּ ִֶ לָכִּמ
that are also relevant to them, to caution them and guide them in פ ֵכ ָתֶּי .תּרוּר ְבּ תּבוֶּ ְתוּ רוּר ָבּ פוּוּ ֶכּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל פ ֵתּנּ ַה ,ר ֵסּׁ ַה ְו
those topics that are relevant to them.
ה ָכ ָל ֲה ר ֵר ָב ְל יא ַנ ְׁ ּל הָי ָה די ֶמ ָתּ אלֹ ה ָבי ְֶֶי רוּח ָבּ רּת ְבּ ִֶ
The all-inclusive rule for us to internalize is - to give one’s wife the
spiritual sustenance which she needs from him. In the past there .א ָר ְמוּח ְל ךְ ַל ָה פ ֵכּ ל ַע ְו ,ר ֵפ ָס ְבּ ר ַא ְֶ ֶנ ְו ,תי ֶשׂ ֲע ַמּ ַה ה ָנ ָר ְס ַמּ ַה ד ַע
have been instances where the intensely-diligent-learning-husband רוּר ֵבּ י ֵבּ ַג ְל ר ֵפ ָס ְבּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא רי ֶא ְֶ ַה ְל לּכָי ּני ֵא ּתי ֵב ְבּ ל ָב ֲא

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