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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 5 ד רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶמ ֲח ר ִר ִׁ

brothers, etc., etc.). Particularly during the initial period of their הִי ְהֶי הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ִֶ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה פּצ ְר ל ָכּ ם ֶע .ּלוּמּ ֶמ ת ִב ִֶּיּ ַה ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ַע
marriage that connection is very strong and she wants to visit with
them frequently. If they live close by she will visit them frequently, .הּ ָבּ ת ַע ַגּׁ ּז ה ָג ָה ְנ ַה יא ַדּ ַו ְבּ ,די ֶמ ְת ַמ
often daily, or spend very much time on the phone talking to them.
The husband will emotionally feel himself being shut out of her life 
and that he still has not found his place as being central to her life,
and so he will voice his displeasure to her, or he will want to limit
those connections and her strong ties to them. Please, Chatan, reach .ד רמאמ
deeper into your maturity and patience because the re-directing of
her emotional ties demands time. The husband can help his wife ל ַע ַבּ ַה ד ַצּ ִמ ה ָמ ְר ְג ִנּ ֶשׁ ה ָא ָנוֹא ְל תוּשׁי ִג ְר
by increasing the level of his conversation with her and making her
feel more wanted, while giving her the opportunity to open up to
him the feelings and emotions of her heart. This patience on the
part of the husband and his willingness to open a dialog with her םי ֶמ ָע ְפ ֶל ה ָלוּל ֲע ,ּתי ֵב ְבּ לֶֹ ְמֶי ל ַע ַבּ ַה ִֶ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה פּצ ְר ל ָכּ םִע
and listen to her heartfelt feelings will strengthen the bonding of
their relationship. In this regard earlier in this essay we quoted the ה ִז .ּד ָמ ֲע ַמ ת ִא ל ֵצּ ַנ ְמ ל ַע ַבּ ַה ִֶ ה ֶָ ָגּ ְר ַה הּ ָל ְצ ִא ר ֵרּע ְת ֶה ְל
Gra commenting on (Mishle 9:6) “She should be connected to her ר ָמ ֱא ִנּ ַה ת ִא פי ֶב ָה ְל ר ֶָ ְפ ִא ךְ ָכּ .ל ַע ַבּ ַה ד ַצּ ֶמ תוּרי ֶה ְז ל ִפ ִכּ ֶ ֵרּדּ
husband more than to her father and mother.”
ךָ ְתי ֵבּ י ֵֶ ְנ ם ֶע ְו ם ָד ָא ל ָכ ְל בוּל ָע י ֵו ֱה" :]ה"פ ֶי ֵר[ ה ָלּ ַכּ ת ִכ ִסּ ַמ ְבּ

It is also brought down in that same Midrash that women “want ה ִצּר אוּה ִֶ ה ֶָ ָגּ ְר ַה ם ָל ְצ ִא ר ֵרּע ְל אלֹּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ - "ם ָלּ ֻכּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי
to be informed” - she wants to be ‘in the know’ about everything .תוּנ ָט ְל ֶַ ְבּ ג ֵה ַנ ְת ֶה ְל
going on around her in her circle of friends. Therefore her husband
must tell her all of the things that are going on in their circle, and ה ַמּ ֶמ תּח ָׁ ה ִתּ ְֶֶי ְו ם ָד ָא ל ַכאֹי ם ָלּע ְל" :]ב"ע ד"פ[ פי ֶלּ ֻח ְבּ רַמֱאֶנ
included among them are things that are important to his wife but
are unimportant to him. The more she is kept informed about the וי ָנ ָבוּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ד ֵבּ ַכי ֶו ,ּל ֵֶיּ ִֶ ה ִמּ ַבּ ה ִסּ ַכּ ְתֶי ְו ֶ ַבּ ְלֶי ְו ,ּל ֵֶיּ ִשּׁ
events in their community, the more her compulsion diminishes to אלֹּ ִֶ ת ִלֹכְי ַה י ֶפ ְל ה ִסּ ַכּ ְתֶי ְו ֶ ַבּ ְלֶי ְו" :י" ֶֶ ַר( ּל ֵֶיּ ִשּׁ הּ ַמּ ַמ ר ֵתּי
go out of the house and hear news from others. ,ּבּ פיֶיוּל ְתּ פ ֵה ִֶ ,)"ת ִלֹכְי ַה י ֶפ ְלּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ד ֵבּ ַכי ֶו ,ֵֶיּ ַבּ ְתֶי

ם ָלּ ֻכּ י ֵר ֲה ,פי ֶב ָה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ְו ."ם ָלּע ָה הָי ָה ְו ר ַמ ָא ִֶ י ֶמ ְבּ יוּל ָתּ אוּה ְו
ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ִֶ פ ָוי ֵכּ ,ל" ַנּ ַכּ רוּא ֵבּ ַה א ָלּ ִא .אוּה ךְוּר ָבּ ֶּד ָקּ ַבּ םיֶיוּל ְתּ

אוּה פ ֵכ ָל ,ם ִהי ֵכ ְר ָצ ת ִא ר ֵׁ ַס ְל ַחי ֶל ָשּׁ ַה אוּה ְו ,ּבּ םיֶיוּל ְתּ וי ָנ ָבוּ
אלֹּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ ,ּתּ ְל ָכְי י ֶפ ְכּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי ם ִה ָל ת ֵת ָל ְו םי ֶז ְג ַה ְל ת ָצ ְר ךְי ֶר ָצ

ַח ֵׁ ַר ְמוּ ּבּ ם ָתוּל ְתּ ת ִא ל ֵצּ ַנ ְמ אוּה ִֶ ם ִֶֹר ָה ת ִא ם ָל ְצ ִא ר ֵרּע ְל

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