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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 5 - Lesson 4 ה רמאמ - י ֶעי ֶב ְר ר ִר ִׁ
dependent on HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Rather, the explanation is as הּ ָת ָר ְז ִע ְל אּב ָל ּלּ ִֶ ה ָע ָצּ ַה ַה ם ִצ ִע ְו , ָהי ִל ָע ֵמ ה ָלּ ֶר ְמ ר ָב ְכּ ל ַע ַבּ ַה
we said above, since his wife and children are dependent on him
and he is the agent of Hashem who provides their needs, therefore ל ַע ת ִר ִתּ ַו ְמ אי ֶה תּבּ ַר םי ֶמ ָע ְפוּ ,רוּזּ ֶח ְו רוּׁ ֶס הּ ָל ת ִנ ִתּנ ר ָב ְכּ 5
he must do more to provide for them at a level beyond his ability .ל ַעֹפ ְבּ ּת ָר ְז ִע
in order not to provoke hurt feelings within them giving them the
impression that he is abusive of their reliance on him and that he is ה ָר ָקּ ִֶ ר ַׁ ֻס ל" ַצ ַז י ֶר ְס ְבִי ְנ ַר י"ירגה פ ָר ָמ ל ִֶ ּל ְב ִא יֵמיִבּ
depriving them of their needs. (Understand that everything must
still be rational, and he should not go looking for loans in order to ת ִא ףֹט ְֶ ֶל י ֶל ְבּ ֶמ הּ ָתוּפֵי ֲע בֹר ֵמ פֶֹי ֶל ה ָכ ְל ָה ה"ע ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ר ִֶ ֲא ַכּ
give his wife more than he has). The husband’s position as being the ,םי ֶל ֵכּ ַה ת ִא ף ַט ֶָ ְו ח ָבּ ְט ֶמּ ַה ל ִא ה ָלְי ַלּ ַבּ ר ָח ֻא ְמ א ָבּ אוּה ,םי ֶל ֵכּ ַה
deciding authority of the family gives him the opportunity to make
himself ‘lowly’ in his home, since someone in a strong position .ר ָדּ ֻס ְמוּ י ֶר ָנ ח ָבּ ְט ֶמ אֹצ ְמ ֶל ר ִרֹבּ ַבּ ח ַמֹ ְש ֶתּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ִֶ ע ַדָי י ֶכּ
is more able to make concessions than someone who is in a weak ל ַע לֹא ְֶ ֶל י ֵד ְכּ לּד ָגּ די ֶמ ְת ַמ ךְ ֵר ְב ַא וי ָנ ָפ ְל א ָבּ ִֶ ְכּ ר ַׁ ֻס דּע
position and thinks people are taking advantage of him. The Rosh
Yeshiva Maran the Gaon Rabbi Eliezer Mann Shach Shlitah told םי ֶמ ָע ְפ ֶל ר ֵזּע אוּה ם ֶא ַה ,ל" ַצ ַז פ ָר ָמ ּתּא ל ַא ֶָ ,דוּמּ ֶלּ ַה י ֵר ְד ֶס
me that he tells the married men learning in Beit Midrash to work .ךְ ִרֹצּ ַה ת ַע ְֶ ֶבּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל
hard and exert real effort to make concessions, as that is not a sign
of weakness, rather it is just the opposite.
םיֶיּ ֶֶ ְפ ַנּ ַה םי ֶכ ָר ְצּ ַה ת ִא ֶי ֶגּ ְר ַה ְל בּח ַה ם ַגּ ךְָיּ ֶַ לֹע תַאיִשְׂנִל
So too the MaHaRal explains the teaching of Chazal (in Gemara 'ב ר ִר ִׁ[ לי ֵע ְל וּנא ֵב ֵה .לי ֵע ְל וי ָל ָע ר ַבּ ֻדּ ר ָב ְכּ ִֶ ,ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ל ִֶ
Babba Metziah, 59a) “A man must always be careful not to hurt א ֵטּ ַבּ ְת ֶמ ר ָב ָדּ ַה .תי ֶנ ָא ְצַי אי ֶה ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ִֶ ה ָבּ ַר תי ֶֶא ֵר ְבּ ֶמ ]'ג פ ָמי ֶס
the emotional feelings of his wife because her tears are always
just below the surface of her emotions and are easily provoked.” םי ֶבּר ְר ל ִצ ֵא ר ֵקּ ַב ְלוּ תֶי ַבּ ַה ֵמ תא ֵצ ָל י ֶֶ ְפ ַנ ךְ ִרֹצ הּ ָל ֵֶיּ ִֶ ה ִז ָבּ
Ostensibly this teaching is addressing the feelings of a woman in ל ַע .לי ֵע ְל ר ָאֹב ְמ ַכּ ,ה ָצוּח ַה תי ֵנ ְפ ֻמ אי ֶה הּ ָע ְב ֶט ְבּ י ֶכּ ,םי ֶדי ֶדי ֶו
a general sense. However, the MaHaRal explains this to mean (in
Netivot Olam, part 2, section entitled Ahavat HaRe’iyah, page 57) ר ִֶ ֲא ַכּ ם ַגּ ,פ ַמ ְז ֶל פ ַמ ְזּ ֶמ ךְ ָכ ְל תוּר ֶָ ְפ ִא ָה ת ִא הּ ָל ת ֵת ָל ךְי ֶר ָצ פ ֵכּ
“To be careful specifically about the emotional wellbeing of his תֶי ַבּ ַבּ תּי ְה ֶל ּתּא בֵיּ ַח ְמ י ֶכּ ,ל ַע ַבּ ַה ל ַע די ֶבּ ְכ ַמ ה ִז םי ֶתּ ֶע ְל
wife since because he is the final authority of the household and
decides the conduct of the family, his wife’s emotions are always ה ִלּ ֵא תּע ֶָ ְבּ תּנּ ֶַ ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ פ ֵכּ ם ֶא ְו .'וּכ ְו םי ֶד ָלְי ַה ל ַע רֹמ ְֶ ֶל
easily provoked to tears.” An emotionally painful remark made .ּלּ ִֶ דוּמּ ֶלּ ַה י ֵר ְד ֶס ת ִא
by someone else to her can be ignored without effect, but because
a wife is under the authority of her husband, and at the same time םי ֶבּר ְר ל ִצ ֵא םי ֶרוּקּ ֶב ְל הּ ָתּוּ ַל ְל הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ֶמ ת ִֶ ִקּ ַב ְמ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ִֶ שֵׁי
she has her own sense of self-worth, if her husband makes a hurtful
or cutting remark she is very much affected by it and she will very ה ָר ֶָ ְׁ ַה ת ִא אֹצ ְמ ֶל ְו ּז ה ֶָ ַקּ ַב ְבּ ב ֵשּׁ ַח ְת ֶה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ .םי ֶדי ֶדְי ּא
easily begin to cry. There are two conflicting feelings at work within
a wife’s emotions: On the one hand she wants her husband to be the םי ֶבּר ְר ם ֶע ע ָגּ ַמ ר ִסֹח פי ֵב ְל םי ֶרוּקּ ֶבּ יוּבּ ֶר פי ֵבּ ,תּו ָצ ְקּ ַה פי ֵבּ
decisive authoritative influence on the family, however, on the other ל ִֶ י ֶֶ ְג ֶר ָה ר ִֶ ִקּ ַה י ֶכּ ע ָדוּמ תּי ְה ֶל ךְי ֶר ָצ ל ַע ַבּ ַה .םי ֶדי ֶדי ֶו
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