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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 2 - The letter of the Chazon Ish ב רמאמ - פֶּא ֶר ר ִר ִׁ

.ב רמאמ

וּנּ ֶמּ ִמ ה ָנוֹשׁ - וֹדּ ְג ֶנ ְכּ

Chapter 2

ף ַכ ְל =( ף ַכ ְל ס ָנ ְכ ֶנּ ַה י ֶכּ" :"ּדּ ְג ִנ ְכּ" ת ִא ֶ ֵר ָפ ְמ וֹנרְוֹפְסַּה
A letter from our master, the Chazon Ish ZT”L . )ל ָר ְֶ ֶמ ְבּ =( ל ִר ִֶ ְבּ ּל ה ִו ֶָ הִי ְהֶיּ ִֶ ְכּ ,ר ֵח ַא ר ָב ָדּ ד ִג ִנ )םֶי ַנ ְזאֹמ

ם ִל ִצ ְבּ ֶי ֶא ָל ה ָו ֶָ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ִֶ ֶ ֵר ָפ ְמוּ ."ר ֶָָי ו ַר ְבּ ּדּ ְג ִנ הִי ְהֶי -

Come let us study the letter written by our master, the Chazon Ish ...ם ָד ֲעּמ ְבּ ם ָאי ֶצ ְמ ַה ְו וי ָכ ָר ְצ ת ַעי ֶדי ֶבּ ּל י ֶח ֵר ְכ ִה ה ִז י ֶכּ" תוּמ ְדוּ
ZT”L in which he gives instruction to the newly-married Kollel ז ָא י ֶכּ ,י ֵר ְמ ַג ְל ּל ה ִו ֶָ ר ִז ֵע ָה הִי ְהֶיּ ִֶ יוּא ָר הָי ָה אלֹ ם ָנ ְמ ָא
student in the first year of his marriage. We will quote the entire
letter, and following that we will analyze it sentence by sentence "ּדּ ְג ִנ ְכ" ֶבּ ."ּר ֵב ֲח ַל ם ִה ֵמ ד ָח ִא ת ֵר ֶָי ֶו דֹב ֲעַיּ ִֶ יוּא ָר הָי ָה אלֹ
because all of his insights need to be studied in order to fully .ּתּמ ְכּ הּ ָני ֵא ִֶ - י ֶנֹשּׁ ַה ם ַג ְו ,ּלוּמ - ה ִו ָשּׁ ַה ד ַצּ ַה הֹפי ֵא א ֵטּ ַבּ ְת ֶמ
understand them, and each of those insights is a very basic and
fundamental lesson that illuminates for us the process of building a וּלּ ֶא .ה ִז ת ִא ה ִז םי ֶל ְֶ ַה ְלוּ ה ִז ָל ה ִז רֹז ֲע ַל םי ֶלּכְי י ֶנֹשּׁ ַה ךְּתּ ֶמ
healthy marriage relationship. הָי ָה אלֹּ ִשּׁ ה ַמ ּת ָלוּז ְל םֹר ְת ֶל תוּר ֶָ ְפ ִא ה ָתְי ָה אלֹ ,םי ֶו ֶָ וּי ָה

.ּמ ְצ ַע ְבּ ּל
The Letter
ת ִא ת ַע ַד ָל ךְי ֶר ָצ ,ה ִז ָל ה ִז ס ֵחַי ְת ֶה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ךְי ֵא ת ַע ַד ָל יֵדְכּ
(Devarim 24:5) “Undistracted [he should be to his new bride
their first year] and he should make his new wife happy;” it is וי ָתּנוּכ ְתּ ת ִא רי ֶכּ ַה ְלוּ י ֶנ ֵשּׁ ַה ל ִֶ ּתּ ְע ַדּ ףּס ְל ת ִד ִר ָל ,י ֶנֹשּׁ ַה
mandatory! How does he make her happy? Her nature is to take ל ַע ת ָתּ ְֶ ֻמ תֶי ַבּ ַה פַי ְנ ֶבּ ִֶ ם ֵדּקּ ַה ר ִר ִׁ ַבּ וּנ ְד ַמ ָל .תּנּשּׁ ַה
pleasure from his appreciation of her, and she looks only to him for
recognition. His job is to try to demonstrate love and a closeness to םי ֶבוּיּ ֶח ם ֵה גוּזּ ַה י ֵנ ְבּ ל ַע םי ֶל ָטּ ֻמּ ַה םי ֶבוּיּ ֶח ַה ְו ,ד ִס ִח ַה ת ַל ֲע ַמ
her by engaging her in conversation and words of endearment (and אוּה פֶּא ֶר ָה יא ַנ ְתּ ַה - ת ַלוּזּ ַה ם ֶע ד ֵסּ ַח ְת ֶה ְל י ֵד ְכּ .ד ִס ִח ל ִֶ
regarding the teaching of Chazal not to talk to her excessively… םי ֶנֶּ םי ֶתּ ֶע ְל ם ֵה ִֶ ,וי ָכ ָר ְצ ת ִא ְו וי ָתּנוּכ ְתּ ת ִא ְו ּתּא רי ֶכּ ַה ְל
that is addressing a time when he does not need to endear himself to
her, nor does that statement apply to the first year of their marriage .ד ִס ִח ַה ַעי ֶׁ ְֶ ַמ י ֵכ ְר ָצּ ֶמ
which requires effort to bond together since that is the intent of
Creation, “that they will be one bonded entity,” and they further ת ִא ה ִו ְל ַתּ ף ִס ִכּ ם ֶא" :]ד"כ ,ב"כ תּמ ְֶ[ ד ִס ִח ַה ת ֶַ ָר ָפ ְבּ רַמֱאֶנ
said that the Shechinah will be found within this bonded husband :י" ֶֶ ַר ֶ ֵר ָפ ְמ "ךְ ָמּ ֶע" ה ָלּ ֶמּ ַה ת ִא .'וּכ ְו "ךְ ָמּ ֶע י ֶנ ָע ִה ת ִא י ֶמּ ַע
and wife “team”). On occasion a respectful relationship and strict
etiquette demonstrates a lack of closeness. One needs to relate in a ה ִו ְל ַמּ ַה ךְי ֶר ָצ ה ָמּ ָל ."י ֶנ ָע ה ָתּ ַא וּלּ ֶא ְכּ ךָ ְמ ְצ ַע ְבּ ל ֵכּ ַתּ ְס ֶה"

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