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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander
A Peaceful Home
Chapter 1 - Lesson 2
Chapter 1 - Lesson 2
Opposite him – different than him.
The Sforno explains “Opposite him” as “When something is
weighed on one side of a scale (one side of a balance scale) opposite
something else, if both are equal in weight the opposite one will
be in a straight line with the first one.” He continues to explain
one’s wife is equal to her husband in likeness and form “as it is
absolutely necessary for him that his wife should know his needs
and how to satisfy those needs in a timely way. However, it is not
appropriate that his wife be equal to him in all ways because if that
were so it would be inappropriate for one to work and serve the
other.” “Opposite him” is therefore an expression of duality in their
relationship, an aspect that is common – next to him (meaning, on
the same level), and an aspect that is different – she is not like him.
It is because of this difference that each one is able to help the other
and perfect each other. If they were the same, identical in all ways,
they would not have the capacity to give each other something they
themselves don’t have.
In order for them to know how to relate to each other they must first
know what their differences are; each one must delve into the mind
of the other and identify the differences in their character traits.
In the previous chapter we learned that the building of a marital
relationship is based on the character trait of doing Chessed, and
that the obligations that are incumbent on a couple are obligations
of Chessed, to do good each one to the other. In order to do Chessed
to someone else the very first imperative is to recognize him for
who he is – his personality and needs – which at times are different
than the needs of the one who is extending the Chessed.
The Torah addresses the topic of Chessed as (Shemot 22:24) “When
you lend money to My people, to the poor among you.” The words
“among you” are explained by Rashi as “Look at yourself as though
you were a poor person.” Why should the lender look at himself as
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רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
שיא פוזחה לש ובתכמ - י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִר ִׁ
י ִנ ֵשׁ ק ֶר ֶפּ
ל" ַצַז שׁי ִא-ןוֹז ֲח ַה ן ָר ָמ ל ֶשׁ וֹב ָתּ ְכ ִמ
ּבּ ִֶ ,ל" ַצ ַז ֶי ֶא פּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ ל ִֶ ּב ָתּ ְכ ֶמ ת ִא ד ַמ ְל ֶנ הָבָה
ת ִא אי ֶב ָנ .וי ָאוּשּׂ ֶנ ְל ה ָנֶּא ֶר ָה ּת ָנ ְֶ ֶבּ ךְ ֵר ְב ַא ָל תּא ָרּה פ ֵתּנ
י ֶכּ ,א ָר ְס ֶׁ ר ַח ַא א ָר ְס ֶׁ ּבּ פֵיּ ַע ְנ פ ֵכּ ר ַח ַא ְו ,תוּמ ֵל ְֶ ֶבּ ב ָתּ ְכ ֶמּ ַה
םי ֶרי ֶא ְמּ ִֶ םי ֶלּד ְגּ תּדּסְי ם ָלּ ֻכ ְו ,דוּמ ְל ַתּ םי ֶכי ֶר ְצ וי ָר ָב ְדּ ל ָכּ
.תֶי ַבּ ַה פַי ְנ ֶבּ ת ִא וּנ ָל
!ה ָבּח .ח ַר ָל ר ִֶ ֲא ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ח ַמֹּ ֶש ְו ]ת ַח ַא ה ָנ ֶָ ּתי ֵב ְל הִי ְהֶי[ יִקָנ"
וי ָל ֵא ְו ,וי ָני ֵע ְבּ הּ ָנּ ֶח ל ַע ג ֵנּ ַע ְת ֶה ְל הּ ָלּ ִֶ ע ַב ִט ?הּ ָח ְמּ ַשׂ ְמ ד ַצי ֵכּ
יוּבּ ֶר ְבּ בוּר ֵר ְו ה ָב ֲה ַא תּא ְר ַה ְל ל ֵדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶה ְל וי ָל ָע .תּאוּשׂ ְנ ָהי ִני ֵע
יוּצ ָר ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ּני ֵא ְבּ ,'וּכ ְו ה ִבּ ְר ַתּ ל ַא וּר ְמ ָא ִשּׁ ה ַמוּ( יוּצּ ֶר ְו ה ָחיֹ ֶש
,תוּדּ ְח ַא ְת ֶה תוּל ְדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצּ ִֶ ה ָנֶּא ֶר ה ָנ ֶָ ְבּ אלֹ ְו ,ר ֵבּ ַד ְמ
.)'וּכ ְו ה ָני ֶכ ְֶ ר ַמ ָא ְו ,ד ָח ִא רֹ ָש ָב ְל וּי ָה ְו - ה ָרי ֶצְי ַה ת ַנ ָוּ ַכּ ה ִזּ ִֶ
פּר ְס ִח ה ָא ְר ַמ ץ ִר ִא ךְ ִר ִדּ ת ַדּ ְר ִח ְו דּב ָכ ְבּ תוּס ֲחַי ְת ֶה םי ֶמ ָע ְפ ֶל
ד ָבּ ֻכ ְמ סוּחֶי ר ִֶ ֲא ,בּר ָר ר ֵתּי סוּחֶי ְבּ ס ֵחַי ְת ֶה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ְו .בוּר ֵר
ֶאֹר ד ִבֹכּ ֶמ בוּה ָא ר ֵתּי תוּלּ ַר ְו תוּחי ֶד ְבוּ ,םּר ָמ ּל א ָצ ְמֶי אלֹ
בֹר ֵמ ר ֵתּי פ ִפֹא ְבּ ג ֵה ַנ ְת ֶה ְל ץ ֵמּ ַא ְת ֶה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ְו .דּב ָכּ ַה ת ַדּ ְר ִח ְו
פי ֵא .יֶיּ ֶמ ְצ ַע א ָלּ ִא יֶי ְצוּח ר ָב ָדּ ּני ֵא ִֶ ,לאֹמֹ ְש ֶל פי ֶמָי דַי סוּחֶי ְבוּ
ה ָאי ֶצי ֶבּ ַעי ֶדּה ְל .י ֶח ְכּנ פֶּ ְל ֶבּ א ָלּ ִא ,תוּח ְכּנ פֶּ ְל ֶבּ ר ֵבּ ַד ְל
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