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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
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careful to constantly strive to give each other a sense of pleasure just
as you feel now at this moment. However, understand this clearly
that the moment you begin making demands of each other, that
is the starting point of diminishing the happiness in your marriage
relationship.” A brief look at the Kuntres
The change is dramatic. A young man in yeshiva lives essentially
only for himself and has not experienced in any significant way the The goal of this Kuntres “A Peaceful Home” is Shalom Bayit, a
responsibilities of caring for someone else. Now he must change Torah-home built on a bonded husband-wife loving relationship
his direction and care for his wife; both her physical needs and her that lasts a lifetime. Rabbi Friedlander writes that the impetus
spiritual needs. This change requires him to pay close attention to for his essay is the generation’s drive for self-gratification and an
improving his character traits, mainly to emerge from the circle of impatient tendency to default to quick and easy solutions without the
egoism - caring only about himself - and acquire for himself the willingness to work through problems, and compromise or concede
character trait of Chessed, which is caring-worrying about someone to the other side for the sake of their home. The essay is specifically
besides himself. Each self-improvement in character development directed at the Chatan in a series of lessons guiding him into his new
is another step in the improvement of the relationship of married responsibilities and obligations to his wife, in understanding her
life and in building a family with Hashem’s help. The road is long, needs and sensitivities, and to know that the woman he married is her
and regarding this Chazal have said (Pirkei Avot 2:15-16) “There is own person, a life’s partner who was brought to him by Hashem and
much work to be done and you are not exempt from it.” comes with her own unique strengths and talents complimenting his

This essay is a collection of the lectures that with the help of Hashem own strengths and talents as his companion helpmate throughout
I delivered to Chatanim. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe ZT”L preceded me life. Quoting Rabbi Friedlander – “Dear Chatan, do not be afraid,
in his excellent Kuntres entitled “Essays of instruction to Chatanim” the job of a young Chatan is not so hard, it just takes a good attitude
which I’ve used in preparing this essay. The letter on this topic and some attention to acquire the skills to better understand what
written by our teacher the Gaon Chazon Ish ZT”L which appears your role is in the home.” Citing the Chazon Ish, he writes that
further on in this Kuntres is copied from Rabbi Wolbe’s Kuntres. a husband’s job throughout life and particularly in their first year
of marriage is to make his wife happy, supporting her physical
Although nowadays, thank G-d, we are concerned about directing and emotional needs as he sets the direction of the family and the
the Kallah in her marital responsibilities in building a family, atmosphere of the home. The lessons of this Kuntres are equally
that is not the subject of this essay. (This essay is an emphatic appropriate to couples who are married for many years, guiding
instruction to the Chatan in his responsibility towards his wife). the husband in ways to enhance the tranquility of their home and
Further on at the beginning of the fourth chapter we will develop promote a more loving relationship with his wife.
the idea that the fulfillment of the mutual responsibilities of the
Chatan and Kallah are not dependent one on the other (meaning, if With the permission of the Friedlander family we attached some
one’s wife doesn’t fulfill her obligations to her husband that does guiding words to Chatanim which appear at the conclusion of the
not exempt him from fulfilling his obligations to her), rather each Kuntres written by Rabbi Eliezer Ginsburg quoting Rav Shach.
partner must strive to perfect their behavior within this relationship
as part of a desire for perfection in their service to Hashem Yitbarach.

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