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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander 3 רדנלדירפ םייח ברה # 2808
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 2 - Lesson 3 ג רמאמ - י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִר ִׁ
a profound need to tell others not only her own concerns but rather ה ַמ ל ָכּ ת ִא א ָלּ ִא , ָהי ִתּג ֲא ַדּ ת ִא ר ַר אלֹ ,םי ֶר ֵח ֲא ַל ַעי ֶדּה ְל
everything that concerns her, everything in her life and everything
that happened to her, because by nature she is outward-looking. י ֶכּ ,הּ ָל ע ַר ֵא ִשּׁ ה ַמ ל ָכּ ת ִא ְו ָהי ִתּי ָו ֲח ל ָכּ ת ִא ,הּ ָתּא רי ֶס ֲע ַמּ ִשּׁ
She waits for her husband to return home so that she can unburden ה ָתְי ַבּ ַה אּבָי הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ִֶ ה ָׁ ַצ ְמ אי ֶה .ה ָצוּח ַה תי ֵנ ְפ ֻמ אי ֶה הּ ָע ְב ֶטּ ֶמ
herself to him everything that happened to her today, both big and
small. Before she married her husband she had many addresses םי ֶלּד ְגּ ַה ,םּיּ ַה י ֵעוּר ֵא ל ָכּ ת ִא וי ָנ ָפ ְל ךְֹׁ ְֶ ֶל ל ַכוּתּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ
where she could turn to pour out her heart – her mother, her sisters ת ִא ךְֹׁ ְֶ ֶל תּבּת ְכּ ר ַׁ ְס ֶמ הּ ָל וּי ָה ָהי ִאוּשּׂ ֶנ י ֵנ ְפ ֶל .םי ֶנּ ַט ְקּ ַה ְו
and her friends. But once married she sees her husband as the main
address in her life with whom she can share her experiences. When אי ֶה ָהי ִאוּשּׂ ֶנ ת ֵע ֵמ ל ָב ֲא , ָהי ִתּר ְב ַח , ָהי ִתּי ְח ַא ,הּ ָמּ ֶא - הּ ָבּ ֶל
a husband engages his wife in conversation, from his perspective .הּ ָל ְע ַב ְבּ - ָהי ִתּי ָו ֲח ַבּ ר ֵלּ ַח ְת ֶה ְל תי ֶר ָקּ ֶע ָה ת ִבֹת ְכּ ַה ת ִא ה ָאּר
that conversation has two components; to talk to her, and to listen ךְי ֶר ָצ ל ַע ַבּ ַה . ַעֹמ ְֶ ֶל ְו ַעי ֶמ ְֶ ַה ְל ,י ֶר ְט ֶס וּדּ אוּה "ה ָחיֹ ֶש יוּבּ ֶר"
patiently to her. The husband must listen more than be heard, and
he must listen with concern and be attentive to her words. In many תוּנְי ְנ ַע ְת ֶה ְבּ תּי ְה ֶל ה ָכי ֶר ְצ ּת ָעי ֶמ ְֶ . ַעי ֶמ ְֶ ַה ְלּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי ַעֹמ ְֶ ֶל
circumstances her husband is very diligent in his studies and wants לֹכ ֱא ִל ר ֵה ַמ ֶי ֶח ה ִצּר ְו ,די ֶמ ְת ַמ אוּה הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ִֶ פ ֵכ ָתֶּי . ָהי ִר ָב ְד ֶל
to finish his meal quickly and rest briefly before returning to his
second seder in Beit Midrash, or before his learning-partner arrives ל ִֶ דוּמּ ֶלּ ַל ּתּ ְכ ִל י ֵנ ְפ ֶל ַחוּנ ָל ת ָצ ְר ם ַגּ ה ִצּר ְו ,ה ָחוּר ֲא ָה ת ִא
for their nighttime study-session. If the wife sees that what she is ה ָאּר ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ם ֶא .ב ִר ִע ָבּ א ָתוּר ְב ַח ַה אּבּ י ֵנ ְפ ֶל ּא י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִד ֵס
saying to him is burdening him, her conversation is silenced and
she will be disappointed and cheapened because her husband is אי ֶה ְו , ָהי ִר ָב ְדּ תּמ ְתּ ַתּ ְס ֶמ - ּרוּב ֲע ַבּ ח ַרֹט ְל ם ֵה ָהי ִר ָב ְדּ ִֶ
uninterested in her. Therefore, he has to devote attention to her ךְי ֶר ָצ פ ֵכ ָל .הּ ָבּ פֵי ְנ ַע ְת ֶמ הּ ָל ְע ַבּ פי ֵא ִֶ ל ַע ת ִל ִׁ ְֶ ֻמוּ ת ִב ִז ְכ ֻא ְמ
by engaging her in conversation, and in a pleasant, enjoyable way
giving her an opportunity to express herself. This can be done when ת ִא הּ ָל ת ֵת ָל ְו ,ה ָחיֹ ֶש יוּבּ ֶר י ֵדְי ל ַע ב ֵל ת ַמוֹּש ְתּ הּ ָל ֶי ֶדּ ְר ַה ְל
they are eating a meal together, when his wife is also not under any ךְ ִֶ ִמ ְבּ י ֶר ֶָ ְפ ִא ר ָב ָדּ ַה .ה ָחּני ֶנ ה ָרוּצ ְבּ תוּר ְבּ ַדּ ֶה ְל תוּר ֶָ ְפ ִא ָה
pressure, or at some other time during the course of the day or in the
evening. A little later on in this essay with Hashem’s help we will ה ָע ֶָ ְבּ ּא ,ץ ַח ַל ְבּ הּ ָני ֵא ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ם ַגּ ִֶ פ ַמ ְז ֶבּ ת ִפ ִתּ ֶֻ ְמ ה ָחוּר ֲא
speak about the nature of her wanting to be informed and her desire ת ַנוּכ ְתּ ל ַע ה״יא ר ֵבּ ַד ְנ פ ָלּ ַה ְל .ב ִר ִע ָה אוּה םּיּ ַה ךְ ִֶ ִמ ְבּ ת ִר ִח ַא
to go out of the house.
.תוּנ ָא ְצַיּ ַה ְו תוּנ ָתְיּ ַצּ ַה
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