Page 83 - 280818

#280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 3 - B | 18-08-28 | 11:06:24 | SR:-- | Yellow 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 3 - B | 18-08-28 | 11:06:24 | SR:-- | Magenta 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 3 - B | 18-08-28 | 11:06:24 | SR:-- | Cyan 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 3 - B | 18-08-28 | 11:06:24 | SR:-- | Black
Rabbi Chayim Friedlander
A Peaceful Home
Chapter 2 - Lesson 4
Chapter 2 - Lesson 4
The first year – working to bond.
The Gaon Chazon Ish ZT”L established that anything that is
necessary in order to become favorable to one’s wife is not included
in the statement of Chazal (Avot 1:5) “Do not speak excessively
with a woman.” Particularly in the first year of marriage a Chatan
should engage in much conversation and words of endearment
with his wife, as the specific job imposed by the Torah on a new
husband is to make his wife happy in order to reach a point where
the young couple bonds as one entity “They should be as one flesh.”
This “bonding” is not something that comes automatically simply
because they had a wedding ceremony – Chupah and Kedushin.
This couple must work to create a mutual bonding as each one
comes from a different background, and each one has a different
personality in addition to the innate differences between a man
and a woman. Therefore the holy Torah set aside the first year of
marriage for them to arrive at the intent of Creation – “They will
be one entity,” and towards that goal the Torah freed the husband
from public service and from military service. Obviously it is to be
understood that after the first year he must continue in this effort
because this bonding is not a one-time thing that subsequently
automatically lasts, rather it is a situation subject to changes and
fluctuations, and moreover there is no limit to the perfection of their
bonding and the sensitivity each one feels towards the other, except
9
9. The Gaon Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe Shli”tah writes in his essay entitled
“Lessons Guiding the Chatanim,” that the angels who came to visit
Abraham (during his recovery following his circumcision at age ninety
nine) inquired about the whereabouts of his wife in order to emphasize
her modesty – she was “In the tent” – in order to endear her to her
husband (Gemara Babba Metziah 77, and also Rashi in commentary
on that pasuk) to instruct us that even an elderly couple, and even
among our holy Avot there is this concept of “increasing bonding.”
83
# רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
ג רמאמ - י ֶנ ֵֶ ר ִר ִׁ
אוּה ךְוּר ָבּ ֶּד ָקּ ַה ,רוּא ֵבּ םי ֶכי ֶר ְצ ה ִלּ ֵא םי ֶא ָל ְפ ֻמ ל" ַז ַר ירְֵבִדּ
ַעי ֶבּ ְט ֶה ִֶ ר ַמּל ,ה ָעוּנ ְצ ה ָשּׁ ֶא א ֵה ְתּ - ר ָבי ֵא ל ָכּ ל ַע ר ַמ ָא
ר ָבי ֵא ל ָכ ְבּ תוּעי ֶנ ְצּ ַה ת ַדּ ֶמ ת ִא ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ת ַרי ֶצְי תי ֶֶא ֵר ֵמ
י ֵכ ְר ַדּ ם ֶא ַה ."י ֶת ָצ ֲע ת ִא וּע ְר ְפ ֶתּ ַו" תאֹז ל ָכ ְבוּ .הּ ָלּ ִֶ ר ָבי ֵא ְו
םיֶיוּנ ְמ ַה םי ֶר ָבי ֵא ָה תאֹז ל ָכ ְבוּ ,םוּל ְכּ וּלי ֶעּה אלֹ ה ִלּ ֵא ה ָרי ֶצְי
ם ֵה םי ֶדוּמּ ֶלּ ַה בֹר( !?תוּעי ֶנ ְצּ ַה ת ַדּ ֶמ ךְ ִפ ִה ם ִה ָבּ הָי ָה ֶ ָר ְד ֶמּ ַבּ
,תּקּ ַדּ פ ֵה תּעי ֶב ְתּ ַה ִֶ פי ֶב ָנ פ ֵכּ ם ֶא ,תֶּּד ְקּ ַה וּני ֵתּמּ ֶא ֵמ
.)ה ָהּב ְגּ ַה פ ָת ָג ֵר ְד ַמ ְל ם ֵא ְת ִה ְבּ
,םי ֶנּשּׁ ַה ָהי ִד ָד ְצ ל ַע ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִֶ הָּי ְפ ָא וּנ ָל םי ֶלּ ַג ְמ ל" ַז ֲח אָלֶּא
. ָהי ִדי ֶר ְפ ַת ְל הּ ָרי ֶֶ ְכ ַה ְל י ֵד ְכּ הּ ָבּ ַעי ֶבּ ְט ֶה אוּה ךְוּר ָבּ ֶּד ָקּ ַה ִֶ
אי ֶה ְו ,הּ ָבי ֶב ְסּ ֶמ ם ָלּע ָה ל ִא - ה ָצוּח ַה ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה תי ֵנ ְפ ֻמ ד ָח ִא ד ַצּ ֶמ
פי ֶכ ָה ְל י ֵד ְכּ םי ֶֶוּח ַה ְו ר ִמֹח ַה ם ַלּע ,ה ִזּ ַה ם ָלּע י ֵנְי ְנ ֶע ְבּ ת ִר ִסּע
ל ִא ה ָמי ֶנ ְׁ ר ֵתּי ל ָל ְכּ ךְ ִר ִד ְבּ ה ִנ ְפ ֻמ ֶי ֶא ָה( תֶי ַבּ ַה י ֵכ ְר ָצ ל ָכּ ת ִא
ת ִא פ ֵזּ ַא ְל י ֵד ְכּ ם ָלוּא .)י ֶמי ֶנ ְׁ י ֶנ ָחוּר ם ָלּע אוּה ִֶ ,ה ָרּתּ ַה ם ַלּע
םּר ָמּ ֶמ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ת ִא אוּה ךְוּר ָבּ ֶּד ָקּ ַה א ָר ָבּ ,ה ָצוּח ַה הָיּ ֶנ ְׁ ַה
הּ ָדוּב ְכּ ל ָכּ" - ר ָבי ֵא ְו ר ָבי ֵא ל ָכ ְבּ תוּעי ֶנ ְצּ ַה ת ִא ַעי ֶבּ ְט ֶה ְו , ַעוּנ ָצ
ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָבּ ד ַחַי םי ֶל ֲעּׁ פ ֵכ ָל .]ד"י ה"מ םי ֶלּ ֶה ְתּ[ "ה ָמי ֶנ ְׁ ךְ ִל ִמ ת ַבּ
.ה ִז ת ִא ה ִז םי ֶר ְתּסּ ַה תּחֹכּ ַה י ֵנ ְֶ
םי ֶכ ָר ְצּ ַה ת ַנ ָב ֲה ַל בוֶּ ָח ַח ֵתּ ְפ ַמ ל" ַז ַר וּנ ָל םי ֶר ְסּמ ןאָכּ
אי ֶצּה ְל ה ָכי ֶר ְצ אי ֶה י ֶכּ ,תי ֶנ ָר ְבּ ַד אי ֶה .ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ִֶ םיֶיּ ֶֶ ְפ ַנּ ַה
ל ַע ל" ַז ַר וּר ְמ ָא .הּ ָבּ ֶל ְבּ ִשּׁ ה ַמ ל ָכּ ת ִא םי ֶר ֵח ֲא ַל רֹס ְמ ֶל ְו ה ָצוּח ַה
ה ָנּ ִחי ֶשְׂי" – "ה ָנּ ִח ְשַׂי ֶי ֶא ב ִל ְבּ ה ָג ָא ְדּ" ]ה"כ ,ב"י י ֵל ְֶ ֶמ[ רוּס ָׁ ַה
ב ֵלּ ַה ל ַע ת ִצ ִחּל ה ָג ָא ְדּ ַה ִֶ ְכּ ,רֹמא ֵל ]א"ע ה"ע א ָמּי[ "םי ֶר ֵח ֲא ַל
י ֶֶ ְפ ַנ ךְ ִרֹצ ֵֶי ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָל ם ָלוּא .ּל ל ַקֻּי ְו ,םי ֶר ֵח ֲא ַל ה ָנּ ִר ְׁ ַסְי -
78