Page 13 - Pauza Magazine

arts & cultural experiences

too, runs wild. I miss their presence: their daily com-
ings and goings from their yard to mine; the tiger print
blanket covering the doorway to their outdoor kitch-
en; Tiro’s delightful laugh and whimsical look each
time he saw me; Vaska’s loving proclamation “Таа е
нашата чупе!” She is our girl! to my parents the first
(and only) time they were able to Skype.

Well, my dear Vaska, it was an honor to be your girl,
if only for a short while. Thank you for welcoming
me into your life and into your home. Pray that I,
too, may discover my happiness: something to do,
something to love and something to hope for.
Photos by Hana Truscott, Vaska’s death certificate posted in front of the church in Novaci
That’s what the Lonely is for

By Karli-Marie Reyes, MAK 16

Though I wrote this a little over a year ago, these ing myself to head into a downward spiral and focus
experiences still ring true today for all of us, and so in on the negativity of the situation, tonight I chose
I thought I would share my experience in the hope to go straight home and open myself to contempla-
that it will not be wasted on me and me alone… tion, to write and reflect on the experience. And in
the time it took me to write this entry I came to a
January 9, 2012 steadfast conclusion – which, unsurprisingly, is in-

Tonight I was invited to my first imenden. fluenced by David Wilcox. He’s a little-known song-
writer-composer who my parents brought me up on
There was a beautiful spread of cheese, meat, sal- because they were convinced (and in retrospect
ads, and kifli, not to mention wine, ouzo, and sok were quite right in their assumption) would mold me
poured plentifully. Music played and people talked into the woman I am today.
all around me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSAJSSd1Fkc
In the midst of the joy and merriment of the night,
something occurred to me in a bold way that I hadn’t “When I get lonely,
experienced since I came to Macedonia. I was that’s only a sign;
lonely. This had happened to me plenty of times some room is empty,
before in the States, where even in a room full of that room is there by design;
people I could still feel that twinge of aloneness. if I feel hollow, that’s just my
And honestly, I’m surprised it hadn’t happened to
me before now in Macedonia. For whatever rea- proof that there’s more
son, for the first time since I’d left home, I felt legiti- for me to follow;
mately alone. And the thing is, it wasn’t sad, or bad, that’s what the lonely is for”
it just was.
Instead of building barriers or excuses, I need to
It would be hard for me to explain to anyone who take this as a life lesson and move forward. Since
hasn’t found themselves in a foreign land with a I’ve moved to Bitola I’ve slacked off on my Mace-
very limited knowledge of culture and language, donian language lessons because almost everyone
that attempting to keep up with conversation and speaks English with me, and while I’ve put myself out
include yourself in meaningful exchanges is ex- there I haven’t made a concerted effort to make local
tremely trying at times. I often get so exhausted by friends. That moment of lonely continues to point me
the process that I tend to zone out unless some- in the direction of my next steps to success here: to
one is speaking directly to me. The Macedonian focus on the language and step outside my bubble
language in crowds is like white noise to me. I pick of comfort. Thanks again David, I guess I needed
up words or phrases, but so much is lost it can be that kick in the ass.
disheartening.
Tomorrow is a new day friends, and I can’t wait to
The difference about me today and me a year ago, see what’s in store for me on the Big Horizon.
or even six months ago, is that instead of allow-
Fall 2012 – 13
Winter 2013 – 13