Page 67 - Kindness - No Forward

patients was communicated through his visual signals, not through
explanations or excuses. Sitting with that coffee cup was much more
effective than saying “I wish I could spend more time with you, but my
patient load is heavy.”

At my seminars, I frequently say that I’ve never know anyone who got up in
the morning, looked in the mirror, and said “Today I’m going to be a jerk.”
(This is usually followed by someone shouting out “Oh, yeah, well you
haven’t met……!”

But some people come across as jerks, not so much by what they say—
which they are aware of---but rather by the signals they send through their
body language and other non-verbal communication.

Imagine a conversation with a “jerk” named Charlie.

Charlie doesn’t look you in the eye. He fidgets around while you are
talking. He interrupts you often, takes a lot of cell calls, and seems to drift
away when you are looking for a response.

Charlie slouches in his chair like a cadaver. He doesn’t smile. His signals
seem to shout, “I don’t care.”

Do you like talking to Charlie?

Charlie is a jerk. Or so the people around him think. But he really isn’t, he’s
just sending the wrong signals.

How could Charlie communicate non-verbally a little more courteously?

First of all, he needs to understand that he is indeed giving off signals
which others are interpreting. He probably doesn’t know.

Secondly, he needs to sit up in a posture that is relaxed enough to
communicate comfort, but tense enough to communicate interest. He
should incline his body towards the speaker and face him squarely. If the
relationship is important, he shouldn’t take cell phone calls.

Thirdly, he needs to be at eye level, looking the speaker right in the eye.

Finally, he needs to work on listening to the speaker.

By combining these simple, non-verbal signals, Charlie can be perceived
as interested and sincerely listening. Charlie becomes an okay guy.