Page 77 - Kindness - No Forward

Change Your Self-Picture

How do we change our pictures of ourselves?

We begin by setting a specific goal. Maybe to quit smoking. Or perhaps to
lose 40 pounds. Or to relax during your next speech. Make the President’s
Club at work. Get to a 6 handicap in golf. It could be anything; just be
specific.

Let me state here the importance of being specific. They must be
measurable. For example, your goal might be to improve a particular
athletic endeavor, such as golf. In this example, a poor goal statement
would read “I want to be a better golfer.” This objective is not specific
enough to recognize when it has been reached; it is impossible to imagine.
When does one become “a better golfer”? Or thinner? Or smoking less?
Or a better salesperson?

State the goal in a measurable manner, such as “I want to be a 6 handicap”
“I want to sell a million dollars in products this year” “I want to appear
relaxed when I speak”.

This accomplishes two goals. First of all, it lets the visualizer know when
the goal has been met. But more importantly, it allows for the development
of a clear mental image of how the performer will look and feel when the
specific goal has been achieved.

Then make a list of all the reasons this goal can’t be reached. Remember,
this is a list of the reasons we CAN’T do something, not the reasons we
WON’T do it.

For example, suppose my goal is to become a lawyer. But I choose not to
give up my work or leisure time to go to law school. It’s not that I can’t do
this, I simply won’t. I choose not to make the sacrifice. It’s my choice, but
it’s not a reason why I CAN’T become a lawyer.

Or I may choose not to write a novel because I don’t want to invest the time
or risk the rejection of publishers. But these aren’t the reasons I can’t do it.

This is where we separate fantasy from reality.

A lot of what we (and our well-meaning advisors) see as logical reasons a
goal can’t be reached is really based on our decisions not to make the
sacrifices necessary to reach our goal. They’re not “can’ts” but “won’ts.”

Get the point? As you list the reasons you can’t achieve your specific goal,
you will probably be in for a surprise.