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Oct. 2, 2015 NEWS Thunderbolt
http://www.luke.af.mil
22 www.aerotechnews.com/lukeafb
Fire Prevention Week
Successful relationships simple, kind of …
“Hear the BEEP where you SLEEP
by ronment searching for opportunities to say the facts and feelings of their world. Suc-
JIM YANG-HELLEWELL thank you rather than searching for mis- cessful couples then use these love maps Luke Fire Services invites the
takes. They reach out to one another and to enhance communication, understanding Luke Air Force Base community:
56th Medical Operations Squadron Family Advocacy make bids for attention and, in turn, they and, yes, admiration for the other. Suc- Saturday
respond more to the other person’s bids. cessful couples are not business partners,
Although October is Domestic Violence Successful couples respond to 96 percent of debating opponents or roommates. Rather, DP)LUHWUXFNSDUDGH
Awareness Month, rather than dwell on the their partner’s bids for attention, whereas successful couples are love map makers. DPWRSP2SHQ+RXVH
negatives of relationships, perhaps more couples headed for divorce only respond 30
attention should be focused on the compo- percent of the time, and most couples only Successful couples, share the meaning at Fire Station No.1
nents of successful relationships. Successful notice 50 percent of the positive things their of their lives. They have a kind of shared *DPHVIRRGSKRWRVÀUHWUXFNV
relationships have certain elements in com- partner is doing. spirituality, a shared way at looking and Monday through Oct. 9
PRQWKDWKDYHEHHQREVHUYHGDQGYHULÀHG feeling the world on a deep level. These DPWRSP6KRZ 7HOO
in actual research. Some of these elements Successful couples have disagreements couples share an inner life that is rich in
are obvious and simple, yet we often do not and still argue, but they are better at re- symbols and rituals. They share life’s goals at commissary and exchange
practice them. FRYHULQJIURPWKRVHDUJXPHQWV7KH\ÀQG and admire and respect each other’s place Wednesday
ways to diffuse an argument, change direc- in the world, and more importantly their
John Gottman, Ph.D., renowned re- tion, divert and avoid the spinning wheel or place within the family. DP6SDUN\WKH)LUH'RJDQG
searcher, author, speaker and therapist ORQJWHUPJULGORFN,QVKRUWWKH\ÀQGZD\V ÀUHÀJKWHUVYLVLWWKH&'&
has been studying couples for years and has to come back together after an argument. Finally, if these relationship practices are
determined there are certain universal and viewed as creating a rich interior life to a To learn more about fire safety
common practices that successful relation- Successful couples also accept their relationship, the outer structure, or wall around the home, call Luke Fire
ships employ. SDUWQHUV LQÁXHQFH ,Q RWKHU ZRUGV WKH\ supporting it all, is commitment – commit- (PHUJHQF\ 6HUYLFHV ÀUH SUHYHQWLRQ
share power and allow themselves, their ment to the growth, health, intimacy and RIÀFHDW
Gottman has observed that successful opinions and understandings to be moved longevity of the relationship. For one person
couples are simply … friends. They basi- and changed by the other person. There is in a relationship to secretly believe he or she
cally “like” each other. This seems overly no “my way or the highway” in a successful can “do better” is to allow a worm to burrow
obvious, but the truth is when couples get relationship. Successful relationships be- into the wall and undermine the structural
to a point of ongoing irritation and even come “our way,” worked out over time with integrity of the relationship.
contempt, they are in trouble. Successful respect and genuine openness to the other.
couples have strategies for keeping the As was stated, many of these practices
friendship alive. Very importantly, successful couples are known to us already and are simple.
enhance their “love maps,” that is, they Some couples are naturally more inclined to
Successful couples are kind and consid- take the time and attention to explore the employ them. They are the fortunate ones.
erate to one another. Successful couples landscape in their partner’s heart and head. But, for the rest of us, these practices can
spend time with one another, talk and They explore those landscapes caringly. be learned and strengthened with use over
have a sense of humor. They communicate They come to know the other’s worries, time provided we are motivated and com-
respect in numerous small ways. They show hopes and goals in life, their history, and mitted to the relationship.
interest in one another and scan their envi-
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