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36 EASTERN HORIZON | TEACHINGS

ON MARRIAGE

By Venerable Lama Thubten Yeshe

The following article and Q&A sessions about marriage and
relationships were collated by Dr Nicholas Ribush from talks in
various locations from 1975 to 1981. An excerpt was published
in Mandala magazine, August 2004.

These days, one of the main reasons wrong motivation. Whether you’re
that a man and a woman become a man or a woman, it’s important
friends is sexual. They get together that there’s not too much grasping
for sexual pleasure. In earlier times, in your relationship, that you don’t
marriage had a divine quality—a agitate your partner. Extreme
couple came together out of respect, grasping at sexual pleasure is a
with the aim of creating a kind problem; sexual pleasure is an
of totality. That gave meaning to irritant. You can see.
getting married, and marriages
Lama Yeshe during the Yucca Valley made with such purpose became However, many couples aren’t
course, 1977. Photo by Carol Royce- good ones. together for the sex. Their
Wilder. relationship is deeper than that, so

Many of today’s marriages become their attitude is different. They are
disastrous because they lack very comfortable, free, somehow,
purpose; there’s no worthwhile with no tremendous expectations
goal for coming together. A couple of each other. Therefore, they have
should not come together out of a good relationship. I’m sure you’ve
grasping at each other; there should seen examples of such couples,
be more meaning to it than that. where there’s not much grasping.
But our craving desire and lack of In my limited experience of the
wisdom work together to create Western world, many Christians,
an extreme situation that finishes who believe in God, have very
up causing conflict: the woman respectful marriages. They
agitates her man; the man agitates believe in something deeper than
his woman—in either case, it ends themselves and are not living for
in “goodbye.” sense pleasure alone. I would say
that such couples have been blessed
These days, I travel the entire world by God or Jesus.
and many young people come to
see me to discuss their relationship Of course, many people these days
problems, but they all boil down to believe that Coca-Cola is better than
people’s coming together out of the God. “What’s the point of religion?”