Page 241 - It Ends with Us
P. 241

My ha nd  goes  to my mouth.  My mind  starts to race  just as fast as my

                hea rt  is  racing .  I  ins tant ly  start  thi nk ing   about  the  wha t-ifs.  What   if  he
                would  hav e  been  ho nest  with  me?  Told  me  ho w  he ’d  felt?  Whe re  would  we  be
                now?
                    I  want   to  ask  hi m  why   he  did  it.  Why   he  didn’t  fig ht   for  me.   But  I
                don’t ha ve  to ask hi m, bec ause  I alrea dy kno w the  ans wer. He  tho ught
                he  was  giving   me  wha t  I  want ed ,  bec ause  all  he’s  ev er  want ed   for  me

                was  ha ppines s.  And   for  some  stupid  rea son,   he’s  nev er  fel t  I  could  get
                tha t with  hi m.
                    Conside rat e Atlas .
                    The  more  I thi nk  about it, the  more  diffic ult it bec omes  to brea the.
                I thi nk  about Atlas. R yle.  Toni ght . Two ni ght s ago. It’s too much.
                    I  stand   up  and   make  my  way  back  to  the  gues t  bed room.  I  pick  up
                my  pho ne     and   grab  my  purse     and   go  back  to  the    living   room.  Atlas

                ha sn’t moved .
                    “R yle   left  for   Eng land   today,”  I  say.  “I  thi nk   I  sho uld  probably  go
                ho me  no w. Can  you drive  me?”
                    A  sadne ss  ent ers   hi s  ey es   and   when   it  does ,  I  kno w  tha t  lea ving   is
                the  right thi ng  to do. Nei ther  of us ha s closure.  I’m no t sure  we’l l ev er
                get   it.  I’m  beg inni ng   to  thi nk   closure  is  a  myth,   and   bei ng   here   right

                no w while  I’m still proces sing  ev er ythi ng  tha t’s ha ppeni ng  to my life  is
                just  going   to  make  thi ng s  worse  for  me.   I  ha ve  to  el imina te  as  much
                conf usion  as  possible,   and   right   no w,  my  feel ing s  for  Atlas  top  the  list
                of most conf using .
                    He  pres ses  hi s lips tight ly toget her  for a moment , and  then  he  no ds
                and  grabs hi s key s.


                                                           •  •  •


                Nei ther    of   us   spea ks   the   ent ire   drive   to   my   apartment .   He   does n’t
                drop  me  off.  He  pulls  int o  the  parking   lot  and   get s  out  of  his  car.  “I’d

                feel  bet ter  if you let  me  walk you up,” he  says.
                    I   no d   and    we   wade   thro ugh   ev en   more    silenc e   as   we   ride   the
                el ev ator   up   to   the   sev ent h   floor.   He   follows   me   all   the   way   to   my
                apartment .     I   fis h   around    in   my   purse   for   the   key s   and    don’t   ev en
                rea lize  my ha nd s are  sha king  unt il my thi rd failed  attem pt to open  the
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