Page 135 - Wordsmith A Guide to College Writing

point 1 point 2 point 3
challenging career, to support my family well, and to make the

world a

better place.

Analysis: The third point, “to make the world a better place,” is too
broad. Narrowing the idea to cover only the writer’s community and

relating the idea to the writer’s field of study makes the point narrower,

more realistic, and easier to support.

Revision

A degree in elementary education will give me a chance to work

at a challenging career, to support my family well, and to influence

the future through my students.

Exercise 3-6 Eliminating Points That Are

Too Broad

Each of the following thesis statements contains one point that is too

broad. Cross out that point, and write in a point that can be developed

within one paragraph.

1. Spending a year or two on a job before going to college can

provide a student with the opportunity to earn money for a

college education, to see what the real world is like, and to

learn responsible work habits.