Page 137 - Wordsmith A Guide to College Writing

Narrow

thesis
My grandmother, the owner of Sally’s Bakery, has all the

characteristics

point 1 point 2
of a good businesswoman. She works hard, says “hello” to

customers,

point 3

and provides quality service.

Analysis: The second point, “says ‘hello’ to customers,” is too narrow

to be developed as a paragraph. However, saying “hello” is part of a

larger issue: treating customers with courtesy.

Revision

My grandmother, the owner of Sally’s Bakery, has all the

characteristics of a good businesswoman. She works hard, treats

customers courteously, and provides quality service.

Exercise 3-7 Eliminating Points That Are

Too Narrow

Each of the following thesis statements contains one point that is too

narrow. Cross out that point, and write in a point that is large enough

to develop within a paragraph.