Page 133 - Wordsmith A Guide to College Writing

point 2 point 3
payments, to handle money wisely, and to obtain reliable

transportation.

Analysis: Points 1 and 2 overlap because making payments is a part

of handling money wisely. The writer needs to evaluate the support

she plans to use for each point and modify the thesis accordingly.

Revision

Taking out a car loan has helped me to handle my finances
responsibly, to establish a good credit rating, and to obtain reliable

transportation.

Analysis: The writer has eliminated the overlap by combining the

overlapping points and adding a new point: establishing a credit rating.

Exercise 3-5 Eliminating Overlap

Each of the following thesis statements contains one point that

overlaps with another point. Cross out that point, and write in one that

does not overlap with any other point.

1. Although I enjoy my job, I sometimes tire of the long hours, the

stress, and pressure.

2. Our college’s snack bar is a place to meet friends, a place to

study, and a place to gather.