Page 166 - Essentials of Human Communication

Interpersonal Relationship Types 145

and wife, husband-husband, wife-wife, lovers, or domestic partners, for example—and the
term family may denote a broader constellation that includes children, relatives, and assorted
significant others.
A primary relationship is a relationship between two people that the partners see as
their most important interpersonal relationship. An interesting typology of primary relation-
ships (based on more than 1,000 couples’ responses to questions concerning their degree of
sharing, their space needs, their conflicts, and the time they spend together) identifies three
basic types: traditionals, independents, and separates (Fitzpatrick, 1983, 1988, 1991; Noller
& Fitzpatrick, 1993).

● Traditional couples share a basic belief system and philosophy of life. They see themselves
as a blending of two persons into a single couple rather than as two separate individuals.
They’re interdependent and believe that each individual’s independence must be sacri-
ficed for the good of the relationship. In their communications, traditionals are highly
responsive to each other. They lean toward each other, smile, talk a lot, interrupt each
other, and finish each other’s sentences.
● independents stress their individuality. The relationship is important, but never more
important than each person’s individual identity. Although independents spend a great
deal of time together, they don’t ritualize it, for example, with schedules. Each individ-
ual spends time with outside friends. The communication between independents is re-
sponsive. They engage in conflict openly and without fear. Their disclosures are quite
extensive and include high-risk and negative disclosures that are typically absent among
traditionals.
● Separates live together, but they view their relationship more as a matter of convenience
than a result of their mutual love or closeness. They seem to have little desire to be to-
gether and, in fact, usually are together only at ritual occasions such as mealtime or holi-
day get-togethers. It’s important to these separates that each has his or her own physical
as well as psychological space. The most significant characteristic of this type is that each
person sees himself or herself as a separate individual and not as a part of a “we.”
Like couples, families can also be classified in any number of ways—for example, according
to the number of people in the family, their affectional orientation, the presence or absence of
children or of extended family members. In a communication-oriented typology (Koerner &
Fitzpatrick, 1997, 2004; Galvin, Bylund, & Brommel, 2012; Arnold, 2008), family types are
looked at in terms of conformity and conversation.
Conformity-orientation refers to the degree to which family members express similar
or dissimilar attitudes, values, and beliefs. So, we can speak of high-conformity families as
those who express highly similar attitudes, beliefs, and values and try to avoid conflict, and
low-conformity families as those whose members express highly divergent attitudes, beliefs,
and values and may frequently engage in conflict interactions. As you can appreciate, families
high in conformity are likely to be harmonious with children who are expected to obey their
parents, largely without question. Families low in conformity are likely to be less
harmonious with children who are given greater freedom to say or do as they wish. Communication
Choice point
Conversation-orientation refers to the degree to which family members can
speak their mind. A family high on conversation orientation encourages members to verbal abuse
discuss a variety of issues and the voicing of members’ opinions. A family low on On your way to work, you
conversation orientation discourages discussion and the voicing of opinions. witness a father verbally abusing his three-
year-old child. You worry that he might psy-
With these two dimensions in mind, we can identify four types of families: chologically harm the child, and your first
● Consensual families: high in conversation and high in conformity. These families impulse is to speak up and tell this man that
encourage open communication and agreement. verbal abuse can have lasting effects on the
child and often leads to physical abuse. At
● Protective families: high in conformity and low in conversation. These families the same time, you don’t want to interfere
stress agreement and strive to avoid conflict but with little communication. with his right to speak to his child, and you
● Pluralistic families: low in conformity and high in conversation. These family certainly don’t want to make him angrier.
members are encouraged to express different attitudes and points of view and to What are some things you might say or do in
engage in open communication while being supportive of each other. this difficult situation?