Page 171 - Essentials of Human Communication

150 ChApteR 7 Interpersonal Relationships

called complementarity: For example, a dominant person might be
attracted to someone who is more submissive. Generally, however,
people prefer those who are similar.
● Proximity: If you look around at people you find attractive, you will
probably find that they are the people who live or work close to
you. People who become friends are the people who have had the
greatest opportunity to interact with each other.
● Reinforcement: You’re attracted to people who give rewards or rein-
forcements, which can range from a simple compliment to an ex-
pensive cruise. You’re also attracted to people you reward (Jecker &
Landy, 1969; Aronson, Wilson, & Akert, 2013). That is, you come
to like people for whom you do favors.
● Reciprocity of liking: You tend to be attracted to people you think
are attracted to you; you come to like those who you think like
you. We initiate potential friendships and romantic relation-
ViewpOintS ships with people who we think like us, certainly not with those
Online Relationships we think dislike us. There is even evidence to show that people
like “likers”—people who like others generally—more than they
Among the advantages of online relationships is that they like people who don’t express such liking (Eastwick & Finkel,
reduce the importance of physical characteristics and instead 2009).
emphasize such factors as rapport, similarity, and self-disclosure
and in the process promote relationships that are based on
emotional intimacy rather than physical attraction (Cooper &
Sportolari, 1997). What do you see as the main advantages of RelatiOnShip RuleS theORy
online relationships? You can gain an interesting perspective on interpersonal relation-
ships by looking at them in terms of the rules that govern them
(Shimanoff, 1980). The general assumption of rules theory is that
relationships—friendship, love, family, and work—are held together by adherence to
certain rules. When those rules are broken, the relationship may deteriorate and even
dissolve.
Relationship rules theory helps to clarify several aspects of relationships. First,
these rules help you identify successful versus destructive relationship behavior. By
looking at the rules of a relationship, you can better identify the reasons a relationship
is in trouble (i.e., what rules were broken) and how it may be repaired (i.e., what rules
need to be reinforced and honored). Second, if you know what the rules are, you will
be better able to master the social skills involved in developing and maintaining
Watch the Video “Juggling Act” relationships.
at MyCommunicationLab
Friendship Rules According to friendship rules theory, main-
taining a friendship depends on your knowing the rules and having
the ability to apply the appropriate interpersonal skills that friend-
ships require (Trower, 1981; Blieszner & Adams, 1992). Friendship
rules include such behaviors as standing up for your friend in his or
her absence, sharing information and feelings about successes, dem-
onstrating emotional support for your friend, trusting and offering
to help your friend when in need, and trying to make your friend
happy when you’re together (Argyle & Henderson, 1984; Argyle,
1986). When these and other rules are followed, the friendship is
strong and mutually satisfying. When the rules are broken, the
friendship suffers and may die.

Romantic Rules Romantic relationships may also be viewed from
a rules perspective. For example, one research study identified some of
the rules that romantic relationships establish and follow (Baxter,
1986). These rules keep the relationship together—or, when broken,
lead to deterioration and eventually dissolution. The general