Page 162 - Essentials of Human Communication

The Stages of Interpersonal Relationships 141

intiMaCy Communication
The contact and involvement stages make up relationship development—a move- Choice point
ment toward intimacy. At the intimacy stage you commit yourself still further to the Relationship Résumé
other person and establish a relationship in which this individual becomes your best Although you’ve been mostly
or closest friend, lover, or companion. Because intimacy is essentially an emotional/ honest in your two-month Internet relation-
communication connection, it can occur in face-to-face and in online relationships ship, you have padded your relationship
equally. You also come to share each other’s social networks, a practice followed by résumé—lopped off a few years and
pounds and made your temporary job seem
members of widely different cultures (Gao & Gudykunst, 1995). This is seen most like the executive fast track. You now want
clearly on social network sites where the site itself identifies people with whom you to come clean. What might you do in preface
might want to become “friends” based on mutual friends or interests. Both the quan- to this revelation? What would you say? What
tity and the quality of your interpersonal exchanges increase (Emmers-Sommer, channel would you use?
2004), and of course you also talk more and in greater detail about the relationship
(Knobloch, Haunani, & Theiss, 2006). Not surprisingly, your relationship satisfac-
tion also increases with the move to this stage (Siavelis & Lamke, 1992). One research study
defined intimacy as the feeling that you can be honest and open when talking about yourself,
sharing thoughts and feelings that you don’t reveal in other relationships (Mackey, Diemer, &
O’Brien, 2000).
The intimacy stage usually divides itself into two phases. In the interpersonal commit-
ment phase, the two people commit themselves to each other in a private way. In the social
bonding phase, the commitment is made public—perhaps to family and friends, perhaps to
the public at large, perhaps with a simple “married to” on Facebook. Here you and your part-
ner become a unit, an identifiable pair.

DeteRiORatiOn
The relationship deterioration stage is characterized by a weakening of the bonds between
the friends or lovers. The first phase of deterioration is usually intrapersonal dissatisfaction: Explore the Exercise
“Learning to Hear Stage Talk”
You begin to experience personal dissatisfaction with everyday interactions and begin at MyCommunicationLab
to view the future with your partner more negatively. If this dissatisfaction grows, you
pass to the second phase, interpersonal deterioration. You withdraw and grow further and
further apart. You share less of your free time. You exchange fewer messages. When
you’re together, there are awkward silences, fewer disclosures, less physical contact, and a
lack of psychological closeness. Conflicts become more common and their resolution
more difficult.
Relationship deterioration involves unique communication patterns. During the dete-
rioration stage you may, for example, increase withdrawal, communicate less, respond to
Facebook pokes and requests for “likes” less often; texting becomes infrequent, and face-
to-face meetings are fewer. In communication, each person reduces his or her level of self-
disclosure. These patterns are in part a response to the deterioration; you communicate the
way you do because you feel that your relationship is in trouble. However, these patterns
are also causative: The communication patterns you use largely determine the fate of your
relationship.

Video Choice point
Coming Clean
Sally and Jim have been communicating online for some time after meeting on Match.com.
She likes what she has learned about Jim and would like to see the relationship make it to the next stage.
They’re now planning to meet face-to-face for the first time. But, Sally realizes that she’s going to have to
admit that she lied about her age and a few other things. She’s analyzed her choices as to how she can
communicate these admissions without damaging the potential for a more intimate relationship. See how
her choices play out in the video “Coming Clean”.

Watch the Video “Coming Clean” at MyCommunicationLab