Page 181 - Essentials of Human Communication

160 ChaPter 8 Managing Interpersonal Conflict

Through conflict and its resolution, you also can stop resentment from increasing and let
your needs be known. For example, suppose your partner needs lots of attention after coming
home from work but you need to review and get closure on the day’s work. If you both can
appreciate the legitimacy of these needs, then you can find solutions. Perhaps you can make
your important phone call after your partner’s attention needs are met, or perhaps your part-
ner can delay the need for attention until you get closure about work. Or perhaps together
you can find a way for your closure needs and your partner’s attention needs to be met simul-
See “Relationships and Relationship
Conflict” at tcbdevito.blogspot taneously through, for example, talking while cuddling at the end of the day. This situation
.com for a discussion of the would be considered a win–win.
relationship between health and Consider, too, that when you try to resolve conflict within an interpersonal relationship,
effective conflict management. you’re saying in effect that the relationship is worth the effort. Usually, confronting a conflict
What other advantages do you see indicates commitment and a desire to preserve the relationship.
for effective conflict management?

COnfliCt is influenCeD by Culture anD genDer
As in other areas of interpersonal communication, it helps to consider conflict in light of the
influences of culture and gender. Both exert powerful influences on how people view and
resolve conflicts.

Conflict and Culture Culture influences both the issues that people fight about and the
ways of dealing with conflict that people consider appropriate and inappropriate. Cohabiting
teens, for example, are more likely to experience conflict with their parents about their living
style if they live in the United States than if they live in Sweden, where cohabitation is more
accepted and more prevalent. Similarly, male infidelity is more likely to cause conflict be-
tween U.S. spouses than in cultures in which such behavior is more common. Students from
the United States are more likely to engage in conflict with another U.S. student than with
someone from another culture; Chinese students, on the other hand, are more likely to en-
gage in a conflict with a non-Chinese student than with another Chinese (Leung, 1988).
The types of interpersonal conflicts that tend to arise depend on the cultural orientation
of the individuals involved. For example, in collectivist cultures, (such as those of Ecuador,
Indonesia, and Korea), conflicts most often involve violations of larger
group norms and values, such as failing in your role, for example, as
family provider or overstepping your social status by publicly dis-
agreeing with a superior. Conversely, in individualistic cultures
(such as those of the United States, Canada, and Western Europe),
conflicts are more likely to occur when people violate expected
norms—for example, not defending a position in the face of disagree-
ment (Ting-Toomey, 1985).

Conflict and gender Do men and women engage in interper-
sonal conflict differently? One of the few stereotypes that are sup-
ported by research is that of the withdrawing and sometimes aggres-
sive male. Men are more apt to withdraw from a conflict situation
than are women. It has been argued that this may happen because
men become more psychologically and physiologically aroused dur-
ing conflict (and retain this heightened level of arousal much longer
ViewpOints than do women) and so may try to distance themselves and withdraw
Conflict and Culture from the conflict to prevent further arousal. Another explanation for
What does your own culture teach about conflict and its the male tendency to withdraw is that the culture has taught men to
management? For example: What strategies does it prohibit? avoid conflict. Still another explanation is that withdrawal is an
Are some strategies prohibited in conflicts with certain people expression of power (Gottman & Carrere, 1994; Canary, Cupach, &
(say, your parents) but not in conflicts with others (say, your Messman, 1995; Goleman, 1995; Noller, 1993).
friends)? Does your culture prescribe certain ways of dealing Women, on the other hand, want to get closer to the conflict; they
with conflict? Does it have different expectations for men and want to talk about it and resolve it. Even adolescents reveal these
for women? Do these teachings influence your actual conflict differences; in a study of boys and girls aged 11 to 17, boys withdrew
behaviors?
more than girls but were more aggressive when they didn’t withdraw