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Principles of Interpersonal Conflict 161

(Lindeman, Harakka, & Keltikangas-Jarvinen, 1997). Similarly, a study of offensive language
found that girls were more easily offended by language than boys, but boys were more apt to
fight when they were offended by the words used (Heasley, Babbitt, & Burbach, 1995a,
1995b). Another study showed that young girls used more prosocial strategies (i.e., behaviors
designed to help others rather than oneself) than boys (Rose & Asher, 1999).
It should be mentioned that some research fails to support these gender differences
in conflict style—the differences that cartoons, situation comedies, and films portray so
readily and so clearly. For example, several studies dealing with both college students and
men and women in business found no significant differences in the ways men and women
engage in conflict (Wilkins & Andersen, 1991; Canary & Hause, 1993; Gottman &
Levenson, 1999).

COnfliCt styles have COnsequenCes
The way in which you engage in conflict has consequences for who wins and who loses, if and Watch the Video “Time Troubles”
when the conflict is resolved, and ultimately for the relationship as a whole. As you read at MyCommunicationLab
through these styles (Blake & Mouton, 1984), try to identify your own conflict style as well as
the styles of those with whom you have close relationships. A summary of these five styles
appears in Table 8.1.

Competing: i Win, you lose The competitive style involves great concern for your
own needs and desires and little for those of others. As long as your needs are met, you think
the conflict has been dealt with successfully. In conflict motivated by competitiveness, you’d
be likely to be verbally aggressive and to blame the other person.
This style represents an “I win, you lose” philosophy. This is the conflict style of a person
who simply imposes his or her will on the other: “I make the money, and we’ll vacation at the
beach or not at all.” But this philosophy often leads to resentment on the part of the person
who loses, which can cause additional conflicts. Further, the fact that you win and the other
person loses probably means that the conflict hasn’t really been resolved but has only con-
cluded (for now).

avoiding: i lose, you lose Conflict avoiders are relatively unconcerned with their own
or with their opponents’ needs or desires. They avoid any real communication about the
problem, change topics when the problem is brought up, and generally withdraw both psy-
chologically and physically.

Table 8.1 five Conflict styles and their Consequences
Here are the five conflict styles and their likely consequences or outcomes (Blake & Mouton (1984). Do you have a general
conflict style or does your conflict style vary with your relationship to the other person? For example, are you likely to
engage in conflict differently depending on the other person, whether friend, romantic partner, work colleague, and so on?

you Other
Competing: great concern for your Win ☺ Lose ☺
needs; little concern for other’s

avoiding: little concern for your own or Lose ☺ Lose ☺
other’s needs
Compromising: some concern for your Win and lose ☺ ☺ Win and lose ☺ ☺
own and other’s needs
accommodating: great concern for oth- Lose ☺ Win ☺
er’s needs; little concern for your own

Collaborating: great concern for your Win ☺ Win ☺
own and other’s needs