Page 183 - Essentials of Human Communication

162 ChaPter 8 Managing Interpersonal Conflict

As you can appreciate, the avoiding style does little to resolve any conflicts and may be
viewed as an “I lose, you lose” philosophy. If a couple can’t agree about where to spend their
vacation, but each person refuses to negotiate a resolution to the disagreement, the pair may
not take any vacation at all; both sides lose. Interpersonal problems rarely go away of their
own accord; rather, if they exist, they need to be faced and dealt with effectively. Avoidance
merely allows the conflict to fester and probably grow, only to resurface in another guise.

Compromising: i Win and lose, you Win and lose Compromise is the kind of
strategy you might refer to as “meeting each other halfway,” “horse trading,” or “give and
take.” There’s some concern for your own needs and some concern for the other’s needs. This
strategy is likely to result in maintaining peace, but there will be a residue of dissatisfaction
over the inevitable losses that each side has to endure.
Compromise represents an “I win and lose, you win and lose” philosophy. So, if you and
your partner can’t vacation at both the beach and the mountains, then you might settle for
weekend trips or use the money to have a hot tub installed instead. These may not be your
first choices, but they’re not bad and may satisfy (to some degree at least) each of your vaca-
tion wants.

accommodating: i lose, you Win When accommodation takes place, you sacrifice
your own needs for the needs of the other person(s). Your primary goal is to maintain
harmony and peace in the relationship or group. This style may help maintain peace and
may satisfy the opposition, but it does little to meet your own needs, which are unlikely to
go away.
Accommodation represents an “I lose, you win” philosophy. If your partner wants to
vacation in the mountains and you want to vacation at the beach, and you, instead of negoti-
ating an agreement acceptable to both, give in and accommodate, then you lose and your
partner wins. Although this style may make your partner happy (at least on this occasion),
it’s not likely to provide a lasting resolution to an interpersonal conflict. You’ll eventually
sense unfairness and inequality and may easily come to resent your partner, and perhaps
even yourself.

Collaborating: i Win, you Win In collaboration you address both your own and the
other person’s needs. This style, often considered the ideal, takes time and a willingness to
communicate—especially to listen to the perspectives and needs of the other person.
Collaboration enables each person’s needs to be met, an “I win, you win” situation. For
example, you might both agree to split the vacation—one week in the mountains and one
week at the beach. Or you might agree to spend this year’s vacation at the beach and next
year’s in the mountains. This is obviously the style that, in an ideal world, most people would
choose for interpersonal conflict.

SkIll DeveloPment exPerIenCe

Generating Win–Win Solutions

For any one of the situations listed, (a) generate as many win-lose solutions as you can—solutions in which one
person wins and the other loses; (b) generate as many possible win-win solutions as you feel the individuals
involved in the conflict could reasonably accept; and (c) explain in one sentence the difference between win-
Win-win solutions exist lose and win-win solutions
for most interpersonal 1. Jessie and Johnnie have decided to get a pet. Jessie wants a cat; Johnnie wants a dog.
conflict situations if the 2. Casey, who has been in a 12-year relationship with Devon, recently received a $10,000 bonus and has
people involved are already used the whole amount for a down payment on a new car. Devon was expecting to share the
willing to put in a little bonus.
effort to find them. 3. Pat smokes and stinks up the apartment. Chris hates this, and they argue about it almost daily.