Page 79 - Essentials of Human Communication

58 Chapter 3 Listening in Human Communication

Table 3.3 Listening to emotions (ten ways)
Listening to the emotions of others is difficult but essential. Here are a few guidelines for making it a little easier and a lot
more effective.
generally… Specifically…
Confirm the other person and his or her emotions. A simple “You must be worried about finding another position”
confirms the feelings of a person who has just lost a job.
Show interest by encouraging the person to explore his or her Use simple encouragers like “I see” or “I understand.” Or ask ques-
feelings. tions to let the speaker know that you’re listening/interested.

Give the person permission to express feelings. Let the person know that it’s acceptable and okay with you
if she or he expresses feelings in the ways that feel most
comfortable—for example, by crying or talking about old times.

Don’t try to force the person to talk about experiences or feel- A simple “Would you like to talk about it?” will cue the person
ings she or he may not be willing to share. that you’re listening but not forcing him or her to talk.
Be especially sensitive to leave-taking cues. Don’t overstay your Notice especially comments like “It’s getting late” or a glance at
welcome. the clock, or a polite yawn.
Empathize. See the situation from the point of view of the speaker. Avoid
comments such as “Don’t cry; it wasn’t worth it,” which can be
interpreted as a rejection of the person’s feelings.
Focus on the other person; don’t refocus the conversation on Instead, provide a supportive atmosphere that encourages the
yourself. person to express her or his feelings.
Don’t try to solve the other person’s problems. Listening to another’s emotions comes first; offer solutions only
when asked.

Avoid trying to focus on the bright side. Avoid expressions such as “You’re lucky you have some vision
left” or “It is better this way; Pat was suffering so much.”
Avoid interrupting. Emotional expression frequently involves extra-long pauses, so
wait before jumping in.

As stressed throughout this chapter, effective listening is situational listening—appropri-
ate listening that will vary with the situation, each set of circumstances calling for a different
combination of listening styles. The art of effective listening is in making appropriate choices
along the following five dimensions: (1) empathic and objective listening, (2) nonjudgmental
and critical listening, (3) surface and depth listening, (4) polite and
impolite listening, and (5) active and inactive listening. These dimen-
sions exist on a continuum with, say, extremely empathic at one end
and extremely objective at the other end. Most, if not all, listening
exists somewhere between these extremes. Yet, there will be an
emphasis toward one side or the other depending on the specifics of
the communication situation. A case in point is in listening to the
emotions of others, a topic discussed in Table 3.3.

eMPAthic And Objective LiStening
To understand what a person means and what a person is feeling, you
need to listen with some degree of empathy (Rogers, 1970; Rogers &
Farson, 1981). To empathize with others is to feel with them: to see
the world as they see it and to feel what they feel. Empathic listening
will also help you enhance your relationships (Barrett & Godfrey,
1988; Snyder, 1992).
To express empathy, it’s often helpful to do so in two ways, corre-
sponding to the two parts of true empathy: thinking empathy and feeling