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30                      AN EXILE OF THE MIND                                                                   MELTING TONES OF THE PACIFIC                       31


          prow. A grim figurehead to guide his  by  boys.  Martha,  played  by  a                     into the  school play, told blood-   map of a declining Empire on his
          charges in the sea of mashed potatoes,  beautiful  effeminate  boy  with  a                 curdling  stories  of  his  wartime  classroom wall  where  I planned
          overcooked vegies and fatty meat.    ginger  wig  and  flowered  frock,  was                experiences to a rapt audience. This  my globe-trot  and found  in the
            And yet a star did glitter amidst  teased unmercifully and became                         sensitive student feigned trance-like  antipodes the island nation of New
          these  treadmill  years.  Mrs  Cratchit  very popular with other exquisite                  attention, hands either side of my  Zealand just  visible in the  blue
          emerged  unflappable  in  the  annual  boys. While I earned the nickname,                   head  with  a  finger  secretly  plugged  expanse of the South Pacific.
          school play,  A  Christmas  Carol  ‘Scratchit Cratchit’.                                    into each ear to muffle the horrors.    My  dream  of  travelling  to  a
          by Charles Dickens. This was my         School  walls  provided enticing                       The geography teacher whittled  Gauguin  paradise  of  grass-skirted
          launch into future stardom. Michael  blank canvasses to paint ambitious                     away  the  school  hours drawing  Polynesians  and  cascading  water-
          Parkinson  of  TV  fame  also  played  murals.  Nudity  not  permitted.  My                 elaborate pictures in chalks of many  falls  was becoming a reality. Now
          this role at his own school a few years  modest talent was unveiled to avoid a              colours, remarkable images  of  all  made  possible  with  odd  jobs and
          before. And look where that got him.  trampling in freezing mud by studded                  things  communist. Steam  trains  pounds  cadged  from relatives. To
            Boys’ schools tend to have a  boots chasing a ball and my shins.                          puffed the length of the blackboard,  sail  off  to  the  land  Down Under
          serious lack of female talent with      Our English master, my favourite                    sporting hammers and sickles.        where the air was pure and the sun
          female parts performed reluctantly  teacher who had press-ganged me                            I scrutinised a large red-blobbed  shone long enough to tan the body.
                                                                                                                                              My departure from the auld sod
                                                                                                                                           was planned in secret. I was ready
                                                                                                                                           to set out into the new world bliss-
                                                                                                                                           fully unaware that dangerous things
                                                                                                                                           could happen. A coddiwomple urge
                                                                                                                                           to travel  the  globe  when  stepping
                                                                                                                                           out into your own suburb wasn’t
                                                                                                                                           safe. These were the days of stove-
                                                                                                                                           piped  Teddy Boys,  leather-clad
                                                                                                                                           Rockers, and the  National Service.
                                                                                                                                           If I thought  travel was dangerous,
                                                                                                                                           then routine was even worse.
                                                                                                                                              A mixture of anxiety and antic-
                                                                                                                                           ipation welled  up as I  clambered
                                                                                                                                           up the gangway of the  Rangitane
                                                                                                                                           lugging a battered suitcase, a record
                                                                                                                                           player and a shotgun slung over my


                                                                                                                                            A 1950s postcard of Papeete.
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