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34                      AN EXILE OF THE MIND                                                                   MELTING TONES OF THE PACIFIC                      35


                                                                                                                                           was I enjoying New Zealand? A friend
                                                                                                                                           from the ship, doggedly loyal despite
                                                                                                                                           respiratory problems most probably
                                                                                                                                           caused by my player, headed for
                                                                                                                                           New Plymouth. And having nothing
                                                                                                                                           better to do, I tagged along.
                                                                                                                                              I  was fascinated  by the Fuji
                                                                                                                                           lookalike volcano of Mount Egmont,
                                                                                                                                           thrusting through the earth’s crust
                                                                                                                                           in  a  forested circle of rimu and
                                                                                                                                           flowering  rata.  A  mountain  that
                                                                                                                                           Perceval, the  Earl of Egmont, had
                                                                                                                                           never clapped  eyes  on.  Perceval
                                                                                                                                           was  First Lord  of the Admiralty
                                                                                                                                           in  Captain Cook’s  time. A grateful
                                                                                                                                           promotion from his last job as Lord
                                                                                                                                           of  the  Bedchamber to  the  Prince
                                                                                                                                           of  Wales.  The  mountain is  now
                                                                                                                                           known by its original name, Mount
                                                                                                                                           Taranaki.
                         The mountain seen from south Taranaki.                                       I was confined to a darkened cabin      The  volcano, ‘dormant’  ac-
                                                                                                      with  sunstroke.  To  emerge  deck-  cording to tourism guides, loomed
          not a single grass skirt to be seen.   their lounges close  by, ran  about                  wards several days  later with  two  menacingly close to town. I would lie
            Gathering around my record  the deck shouting  ‘FIRE’.  Tropical                          white orbs staring out of a crimson  awake at night with uneasy thoughts
          player  on deck, my  shipboard  weather  and the  wrong voltage                             face where my sunglasses had been.   of its looming proximity. Reassured
          friends  sat  in delight  to  the  quickly terminated  my brief  spell                         The shotgun caused  quite  a  to learn that its pressure cooker of
          soundtrack of  South  Pacific. The  of  shipboard  popularity.  I had                       consternation with customs in  molten rock, threatening an earth-
          dulcet  tones  of  Nellie  Forbush  slid  thoughts of being put ashore on the               Wellington. Checking nervously  shake from below,  was not quite
          languidly to a baritone and then to  nearest island with my shotgun and                     the breech for buckshot, they let it  as close as Mount Vesuvius was to
          a bass  as the  vinyl record draped  a smouldering player.                                  through  with  the  suggestion  that  Pompeii.
          slowly over the machine’s contours      During this  distressing  episode                   I  use  it to help  reduce  the surplus   More  surprising  than  a  volcano
          to become a frilly hat. My audience  the  sun blazing white  had beaten                     population of rabbits.               on the doorstep was a visit to the
          coughed and spluttered in the acrid  down on a head blessed only by the                        Stepping out onto the streets of  local pub to celebrate our arrival.
          smoke. Passengers, comatose  in  anaemic rays of an English sun and                         Wellington, a passerby asked how  To find its doors closed at six o’clock
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