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“An unexamined life is not worth living” - Socrates - BC 469-399, Greek Philosopher

Anything that is not completely truthful and honest is a deception in whole or in part. This applies
whether it is a relationship, an emotion, an action, a remark, a promise, in fact anything.

Let’s not kid ourselves here. Not disclosing something to someone that your heart tells you, you
really should, is as much of a lie as a blatant mistruth, a lie by omission. By deliberately not
disclosing something that is relevant to your current relationship with that person is deliberately
misleading them. They will form a trusting belief about you and the relationship that is not
founded on complete truth. You may as well have told them the opposite of what actually
happened or exists, because by saying nothing when you should have shared this information,
the probability is, that they will believe the best until you tell them otherwise. We may kid
ourselves that we’re protecting them from hurt, or avoiding unnecessary conflict, but in reality,
that conflict will erupt at some time in the future.

The more we perpetuate the myth that little white lies or even whoppers are ok, or are
necessary to avoid pain or conflict, the thicker the mask we create between ourselves and our
relationship partners, be they spouses, lovers, family, friends, colleagues or associates. So many
relationships appear to the outside world to be ideal and happy, and indeed they truly could
be, once they have crossed the painful bridge of truth and growth.

Authentic individual happiness is attained by facing up to the truths about yourself, accepting
yourself for who you are now. You are not the thing you did, or words you said in a past life. You
are you now. By accepting yourself and forgiving yourself you can move forward, better
equipped for the growth you will inevitably experience.

Authentic relationship happiness is attained by both parties facing up to their individual truths
together, accepting and forgiving if appropriate and moving forward with a clean slate.

Invariably, the depth, value and strength of your relationships will be directly related to the
degree of open honest self disclosure you have shared with each person. The longer a
relationship goes on with denial, deception and dishonesty, the more it will hurt the other person
when the disclosure is finally made. Relationships are built on trust. Trust is developed on the basis
of what a person believes about the other. When a lie is exposed, the recipient will undoubtedly
feel that the trust has diminished with the accompanying feelings of disappointment. Only when
the truth is revealed can the relationship begin to heal, rebuilding trust and blossoming into its
full potential.

Clearly, you must decide the appropriateness of the disclosure. It wouldn’t serve any useful
purpose disclosing a personal matter to a business colleague who you have no personal
relationship with. In other words, the most important person to whom a disclosure should be
made is the person to whom it concerns.

Better the pain and growth of facing disclosures together, trusting that the other person will
understand, accept and forgive (if appropriate) than perpetuate a pretence of a relationship.
The alternative is to let the situation snowball, where one white lie mounts up on top of another,
and the other party thinks he knows the real you, and behaves in accordance with what you
have led him to believe. He is only following the map you have given him, you can hardly be
surprised if he keeps getting lost along the way.