Page 229 - C:\Users\STEVEB~1\AppData\Local\Temp\msoF8C5.tmp

ϮϮϵ

3$57 - /(&785( - 7+( 32:(5 2) 5(/$7,216+,36

· You pay someone the greatest mark of respect when you demonstrate that you are
paying attention to them. The amount of attention you pay them is a neon indicator to
them of how important they are to you. When you pay attention to someone, they feel
valued and important and the opposite is of course true. A major cause of negativity in
relationships of all types, is the feeling that we are either being ignored or not being
granted the courtesy of the attention we deserve. Your degree of sensitivity to the
attentive needs of others will significantly improve or impair your relationships and the way
your personality is perceived.
· The best way to show that you are paying attention is by active listening. This cannot be
cheated, you will get found out. Listening attentively and appreciatively builds trust and
self-esteem faster than any other factor.
· Applying some, many or all of the above at some time in your relationships with others will
significantly improve each of your relationships and naturally improve the health of your
personality. Having paid the correct amount of attention, displayed acceptance and
appreciation of the person, shown approval where it feels right, the final relationship and
personality builder is to express understanding. You cannot do this fully and sincerely
without attentive listening. Everyone has a right to an opinion or view that may differ from
yours, if you cannot show approval or admiration, at least show acceptance and
understanding of that view and their right to it. In doing so, you gain their respect, maintain
their self-esteem and take pro-active steps towards building an ongoing healthy
relationship.

A final word of caution. Only express appreci-ation, approval or admiration when you genuinely
feel it. Insincerity in your attempts to raise the self-esteem of others will be detected and foster
mistrust. The maxim is, if you can’t say something positive or nice, don’t say anything at all until
you can.

The more of these principles you can apply yourself to embracing positively, the more likely it will
be that your personality will be a healthy one, attractive to others and instrumental in forging
healthy relationships with others.

Healthy Relationships

The single most important purpose of ALL the relationships you will ever have is to magnify your
human experience of life.

Within each relationship, the question to ask yourself is : “Which emotion am I magnifying, the
positive or the negative ones?” The answer you arrive at will reflect the happiness or unhappi-
ness of that relationship.

There are many ways to make relationships as loving and rewarding as possible. Although they
really apply to all relationships, there will be references that are clearly more applicable to rela-
tionships of the romantic kind...

· The way to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship is to use it for the purpose it was
intended... to be and decide who you really are.
· Enter relationships to give, not to get.
· Unconditional love, which contains complete honesty and no judgment, should be the
foundation upon which all your relationships are built.
· You can't love another if you don't love yourself.
· Excessive, unrealistic expectations are relationship killers.