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In practice and reality, we are entitled to our personal privacy. We may not wish to disclose
everything about ourselves to another, even to our significant other. You have a right to that
privacy, even within your closest relationships. A certain amount of mystery and intrigue is
attractive in any relationship, but only you can determine the acceptable differences between
mystery and dishonesty.

Let me pose a few questions about your relationships:

1.Think of any relationship in your life. Pick the response that is most true for you about the quality
of communication that exists or existed. Is it:

a. Completely honest, free flowing communication, open with no deceptions, masks or dark
secrets or
b. Contains elements of poor communication, some degree of deception, somewhat or
significantly obstructed by mask wearing and an element of dishonesty

2. Describe the needy-ness that exists in your relationship, is it:

a. Free or almost free of neediness, we are both independent people in our own right, who
do not express a great deal of needy-ness.
b. Contains some or a lot of needy behaviour, either from myself or the other person

3. Describe the expectations that exist in your relationship, are they :

a. Free from unrealistic expectations or the expectations are realistic based on what we both
know we can contribute to the relationship
b. Contains some or a lot of unrealistic expectations, these may be known or believed by
either party as a result of poor communication.

According to RELATE, the UK's Largest Provider Of Relationship Support, It is known that
worldwide, the three big relationship killers (and this would apply to ANY relationship), are :

1. Communication. A lack of it, poor or dishonest quality or non-existence of it.
2. Neediness. Excessive, often manipulative levels of need.
3. Expectations. Poor communication often leads to one or other of the relationship partners
having unrealistic expectations. When dashed, rather than accept they were unrealistic,
resentments fester within the relationship.

Whatever the relationship, if negative aspects of one or more of the three exist in your
relationship, take steps to confront and eliminate them.

Act on your feelings

If the beliefs on which your feelings are based do seem to make sense, then you may want to
turn to your feelings as a guide to dealing with situations and people in all or some of your
human relationships. For instance, if you find out that your frequent night-time anxiety attacks
are caused by a profound hatred of your job, then you might want to think about changing
your employment.

Similarly, if you feel something very strongly towards another person, and are clear that there is a
sound basis for feeling this way, then you may want to tell him or her what you are experiencing.
This, of course, is never easy, but there are ways in which you can ensure that the process is as
productive and conflict-free as possible.