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How to tell people what you feel about them

· Always try to express your feelings in terms of how you feel, rather than in terms of what you
think the other person has done wrong. This reduces the extent to which the other person
feels that they are being "told off" and is less likely to evoke a defensive response.
· Always remember that how you felt about the way in which someone behaved might be
very different from the intention behind their behaviour. Most of the time when we feel hurt
or angered by someone, they were not intending to make us feel bad.
· Try not to see the sharing of feelings as a battle, in which one person is right and the other
wrong, but as a dialogue in which you are attempting to overcome the miscommunica-
tions and misunderstandings that have occurred.

Remember that sometimes you'll be more capable of talking about your feelings than the
person you are talking to. Men often assume women are better at expressing their feelings, but
women can get blaming and defensive too, and sometimes you will need to be the one who
keeps the dialogue on a non-combative footing.

Remember the golden rule – There are no rules

Too many relationships are ruined by there being too many rules. There are no rules, only
guidelines. The more rules you create, the more that can inadvertently be broken, creating
unrealistic expectations and ultimately resentment and upset.

Enter relationships to give – Not to get

When we enter relationships for what we can get out of them, we set ourselves up for
disappointment with unrealistic expectations. When driven by rules about who should give what,
and “I gave this, so you should give the same in return” is a certain path to ending relationships.
One of the most destructive elements that can arise in relationships is when one of the parties
looks to the relationship to be the solution to all their problems. This tendency has the effect of
disempowering both parties in the relationship. You must think of each relationship as a place to
give rather than to receive.

Importance of human relationships

Your ability to get along well with other people will always play the most significant part in the
happiness and success you enjoy in every area of your life. It follows therefore that the biggest
single cause of frustration and unhappiness in life and in work is our inability to get along well
with others.

The majority of the joy you will experience will be related to your happy relationships with
people, and most of your problems come from unhappy relationships with people.

Let’s look at a few ways we can improve our human relationships and attract more happiness
and fulfilment as a result.

Give what you want to receive

This principle is so simple and such an intrinsic part of human nature that it cannot be ignored.
Quite simply, when you have decided what you want from a relationship, find a way of giving
that component to the other person. It is human nature to reflect back to a person the very
quality they are showing you.