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From the Chinuch’s comments it is clear that only a person who
resolves to hate a colleague who has harmed him until he manages to
repay his evil deed violates the prohibition of taking revenge. How-
ever, a person who puts his imagination to work in order to calm the
anger he feels and to free himself from bitter residue, with the goal of
avoiding revenge or grudge bearing, violates neither precept.
Non-participation in a Family Celebration
Question: 1. I received an invitation from a relative to participate in
his son’s bar mitzvah celebration. My initial intention was not to go
because he didn’t join us at my son’s bar mitzvah. However, someone
pointed out to me that by not going I would be transgressing the
prohibition of “do not take revenge.” Is this correct? 2. My father, may
he be well, also refuses to participate in this relative’s celebration, as a
way of registering his unhappiness at our relative’s absence from our
celebration. By doing so is he also liable to transgress this mitzvah?
Response: 1. If Reuven failed to participate in Shimon’s celebra-
tion, Shimon may not repay him in kind and refrain from taking part
in Reuven’s celebration, for this violates the prohibition,“Do not take
revenge” (Vayikra 19:18). There are, however, several authorities who
rule that this prohibition is limited to situations involving belongings,
“such as if Reuven asks Shimon, ‘Lend me your axe!’ and he refuses
and then the next day when Shimon needs Reuven’s axe Reuven tells
him, ‘I won’t lend it to you just like you didn’t lend me yours’ – this
is taking revenge.” (Rambam, Hilchos De’os, 6,7) However, if a person
avenges his anguish, such as if a colleague shamed or cursed him,
he would not violate this prohibition. The Chafetz Chaim however
determines (in his Introduction to Chafetz Chaim, 7-8) that practical
halachah follows opinion of those authorities who are stringent in
this regard.
184 1 Medical-Halachic Responsa of Rav Zilberstein
