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2. Moreover, even if Shimon attends Reuven’s celebration but
mentions to him, “I am not like you who didn’t come to our celebra-
tion,” he violates the prohibition, “Do not bear a grudge.” Halachah
demands that “he clear the incident from his heart and not hold onto
it and remember it, lest he come to take revenge. The Torah there-
fore takes exception to bearing any grudge until he erases the offence
from his heart and doesn’t remember it all; this is the proper attitude
for preserving society and people’s dealings with one another” (thus
writes the Rambam, Hilchos De’os, 7,8)

3. If Shimon’s father refrains from participating in the relative’s cel-
ebration because of that relative’s slight to his son he too transgresses
“Do not take revenge.” Although the sefer Yisrael Hakedoshim ex-
presses uncertainty over whether a stranger who is not a relative who
avenges a slight to his friend’s honor transgresses this sin, a father
avenging a slight to his son’s honor is indirectly avenging a slight to his
own honor, so this prohibition is certainly applicable.

4. All this applies however, only if staying away from the relative’s
celebration is in retaliation for his behavior. If the recipient of the
invitation is a very busy person who has difficulty finding time to
participate in others’ celebrations even of his own relatives, though
had Reuven attended Shimon’s celebration Shimon would have had
to reciprocate despite the hardship so as not to be an ingrate but now
that Reuven didn’t attend Shimon’s celebration, Shimon feels under
no obligation to attend Reuven’s event – not because he holds any-
thing against Shimon or bears him a grudge but simply because he
lacks the time – he will not transgress the sin of taking revenge. In
such a case though, Shimon must be very honest with himself as to
why he is not attending – is it really because he doesn’t have the time
or is that just an excuse to justify staying away in revenge?

5. Although the above is correct according to the letter of the law,
it is fitting and correct to go beyond the requirement of the law and
forgive his relative altogether. A Jew ought to aspire to the sentiments

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