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meaning, in the eyes of his intellect – in his own mind – he considers
himself despicable and worthy of being of shunned and slighted. The
latter part of the passuk reads, ‘He honors those who fear G-d.’
[Now,] if this honor is shown solely verbally and by deed but [does]
not [honor them] in his heart [it emerges that] he thinks the same of
them as he thinks of himself, namely, he considers them despicable
and worthy of scorn as he considers himself yet he speaks to them
respectfully because Hashem yisbarach has so commanded [and such
conduct is unlikely to be recommended]. Therefore it must mean that
he accords those who fear G-d respect in his mind, regarding them
as great and honorable people for this is the main way of honoring
them and this will certainly lead to his honoring them in his speech
and his deeds.

“Regarding a person who scorns his father or mother in his heart
or with words or deeds, who contradicts them or who sits in their
fixed place etc. it says,‘Cursed is he who belittles his father and moth-
er’ (Devarim ibid.). This refers…to scorn and we find that one person
can scorn another in their heart as it is written, ‘She scorned him in
her heart… and I would be even further disgraced yet remain humble
in my own eyes’ (Shmuel II, 6,16-22) and it is [further] written, ‘She
scorned her mistress in her mind.’ (Bereishis 16:4) Concerning this
Shlomo Hamelech said: ‘The eye that mocks a father and that scorns
a mother’s wrinkles will be gouged out by the ravens of the river and
eaten by the eaglets.’ (Mishlei, 30,17) [Indeed,] there was a case in our
time of a man who was supporting his mother but who regarded her
with scorn and disrespect because she had married another man after
his father’s death. This son traveled by sea and was killed and thrown
into the sea. The Jews searched for his body in order to bury him and
they found him on the seashore with one eye having been gouged
out by the ravens.” This passage from the Sefer Charedim is cited
as halachah in Shiurei Berachah (Yoreh De’ah, 241,6) and in Ben Ish
Chai (second year, Shoftim, 23).

The Aruch Hashulchan writes too (240:8), “Honor and respect
are two different matters: honor involves actual deeds, such as giving
parents food and drink and the like, as shall be explained. Respect

Disrespectful thoughts towards Parents 2 187